GREETINGS and sun salutations. If you give Sleb Safari a moment to straighten up from its downward dog pose it will tell you what extraordinary events in the sleb stratosphere have compelled it to seek solace and om-ness in yoga.
Buckle up it’s about to get hairy. The whole thing kicked off when Paul McCartney was turned away from a Grammys after-party because security didn’t know who he was. How that is even possible Sleb Safari does not know.
Then, to add insult to injury, Shane Warne, Aussie cricketer and former fiancé of Sleb Safari’s favourite gilet-wearer Elizabeth Hurley, was bitten by an anaconda during a task on the Aussie version of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Outta Here.
In the anaconda’s defence, Shane stuck his head in the glass tank where the snake was chillaxing in the shade, eyeing up the rats in the next tank and wondering how many it could eat without ruining its appetite.
The boss is doing great work so far in the tucker trial! #WarnieInTheJungle #TeamWarne #ImACelebrityAU pic.twitter.com/0V4ywoEeh2
— Shane Warne (@ShaneWarne) February 18, 2016
Conquistadors of the heart and male grooming enthusiasts such as Shane Warne should not be nibbled on by snakes in this day and age. It’s simply not cricket. Although Olympic gymnast Beth Tweddle was dealt a worse hand in her reality TV debut on Channel 4’s bonkers The Jump when she broke her back.
Beth’s surgeons took bone from her hip and used it to fuse two vertebrae together. Shane needed a dab of antiseptic on his ‘head wound’.
Sleb Safari would love to see them get together to compare war wounds.
Beth’s injuries were potentially life-changing and she’s joined a long but illustrious list of casualties from The Jump. We’ve watched celebrities suffer concussions, break bones, tear cruciate ligaments and dislocate joints, all while wearing uber-stylish but overly clingy ski wear.
That’s what happens when you try to teach people how to ski jump competitively in a week.
Sleb Safari will never forget the sight of Donal McIntyre pressing what to all intents and purposes was a bag of frozen peas to his damaged face in between answering questions from Davina McCall after launching himself off the end of the ski jump, sailing through the air for nearly 15 metres and face planting in the snow.
And he did it all while dressed in a wine and purple coloured all-in-one with a pink camouflage vest on top. The man should have won for that alone.
It’s the third series of The Jump and there are calls for it to the last since the show is going through celebrity contestants like Leonardo di Caprio does Victoria’s Secrets models.
Channel 4 execs must be at the point where celebrities are hanging up on them after they hear “The Jump”.
If viewers are bored watching celebrities hurt themselves Sleb Safari knows how to liven things up for next year – bears.
Mountains, forests, celebrities on skies and the threat of a bear attack. Pop the cheque in the post please Channel 4.
High Five Taylor Swift
This week's sassy lady award goes to Taylor Swift for her Grammys acceptance speech. Days before Taylor’s win, Kanye West released a new album and one particular song was full of his usual delusions as well as a claim that he had made her famous.
Taylor dissed Kanye in her speech without even mentioning him by name.
“And as the first woman to win album of the year at the Grammys twice I want to say to the young women out there, there are going to be people along the way who try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame. But if you just focus on the work and you don’t let those people sidetrack you, some day when you get where you’re going, you will look around and you will know it was you and the people who love you who put you there, and that will be the greatest feeling in the world."
High five Taylor Swift. And please, can Sleb Safari renew its appeal for a responsible adult to take charge of Kanye West before he hurts himself?
Prince's Passport Photo Puts All Others To Shame
PASSPORT photos are sent to try us. Show Sleb Safari someone who has emerged from that aeroplane toilet-sized photo booth with four photographs they're happy with and Sleb Safari will storm off.
Sleb Safari and photo booths have form. Sleb Safari once had a photograph on its press card that was so unflattering that a man who asked to "see some form of ID" before admitting Sleb Safari to a press conference laughed when he looked at it. He was still laughing when he handed back the card. It wasn't the best day of Sleb Safari's life but it was character forming.
But have you seen Prince's passport photo? Here it is:
Scandalously good isn't it? The feline flick with an eye pencil, the glossy pout.
Trust Prince to turn a passport photo into art.
Social Media Watch
After Ed Sheeran won a Grammy Christine Lampard shared a photo of him serenading her and Frank at their wedding
