Sleb Safari: Camila Cabello saw UFOs because the aliens trust her
Sleb Safari comes to you today with serious UFO news, or UFON if that is your preference.
Camila Cabello, she of Havana-ooh-nah-nah fame, has captured not one, but two UFOs on camera. Technically, they are UFOs since they are unidentified flying objects but it’s unclear how far Camila went in her efforts to have them identified.
The story is a familiar one. Girl goes on tour to South America and brings her parents; girl takes video of her parents at a beauty spot; girl and parents check video on phone to be sure they haven’t disgraced themselves; girl and parents notice two ‘things’ in the sky that seem odd; girl goes on late night US talk show to tell the world she has footage of UFOs who trusted her enough to reveal themselves. Tale as old as time, true as it can be.
Camila’s big reveal was on Jimmy Fallon and she said she “debated” showing the video “because if the aliens trusted me, to be there at that moment, I don’t want them to think I’m exploiting them right now”. Well, quite.
Camila said she’s always been sceptical about extraterrestrial life and that might be why she was ‘chosen’.
“Hey, maybe they trusted me because they’re kind of like ‘She’s kind of hard to get,’ because I’m not one of those people that was super looking for it... Yeah, maybe they’re like ‘she’s safe’ and now I’m talking about it on Jimmy Fallon.”
Yeah, you’ve disappointed a whole (space)ship-load of aliens who had planned on landing their craft at the beauty spot and asking if you might sing a few numbers because it’s really hard for them to turn up at Earth concerts; being green comes with its own problems.
As far as alien encounters go it’s a solid 2 on the scorecard. The difficulty for Camila is that Gemma Collins’ mum set the bar high when she bumped into an alien on the train.
Joan, Gemma’s mum, is a witch. That’s according to her daughter; Sleb Safari has never met the woman. Joan’s sixth sense told her there was something different about a fellow passenger. Sleb Safari will let Gemma tell the story.
"I believe in aliens - my mum has actually met one on the train. She said, 'I was sitting on the train and I saw this guy'. Her sixth sense, being a witch, it didn't feel right, so my mum started to feel really uncomfortable. Something didn't feel right about him…. The eyes were dead. So she said, in her head, 'Rustle your newspaper up and down, go up and down with your newspaper three times if you're an alien'.”
And he only bleeding went and done it.
Gemma explained: “He done it. My mum reckons this guy was reading her mind. The alien literally formed as a human. But she's never gotten over that story."
Her and Sleb Safari both, Gemma, her and Sleb Safari both.
Which of our celebrity friends will the aliens trust next? Millie Bobby Brown? Drake? We can only await the next communiqué from space.
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen: Mover of heavy things
BACK again, like rattan, is the formidable Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen.
As regular readers know Laurence has a new book out, called MORE MORE MORE, and he is promoting it heavily, thus his opinions are thick in the air.
To all appearances Laurence was born to tell people what’s wrong with their home décor and how to fix it, yet he insists the job never sat comfortably with him.
“I never really liked being an interior designer. I always felt a bit weird telling people what to do,” he told The Times.
His mum didn’t think much of it either. When he first told her he was “doing interiors” she responded: “Is that gentlemanly? You are being paid to move people’s furniture around.”
Sleb Safari would argue that there’s nothing more gentlemanly than helping people move heavy things.
David Tennant as James Bond?
HOT on the heels of Camila’s stranger than fiction story comes David Tennant’s revelation that he was once in the running to be James Bond - and didn’t even know.
Speaking to the Acting For Others podcast, David said he was on a very long list of actors under consideration by Bond producers Barbara Broccoli and Michael G Wilson.
“I never believed I had, until I worked with a director recently who had worked with the Broccolis, who said ‘Yeah, you were on the list that time’.
“I was like ‘What time? What are you talking about?’ He went ‘Yeah, the last time’.
“I suppose it must have been Daniel Craig; before that I would have been a child.”
David added by way of explanation and to placate the sceptics: “I think it was quite a long list and I don’t think I was ever very near the top of it. But apparently so.”
Social Media Smut