Sleb Safari: Gemma Collins' mum met an alien on the train
AS regular readers know Gemma Collins makes for an excellent celebrity study.
When she’s not falling down trap doors she’s flogging face masks and hand sanitizer and when she’s not flogging face masks and hand sanitizer she’s home schooling her nephews and when she’s not homeschooling she’s enjoying a thrice-weekly routine of massage, hair, hails and spray tan and when she’s not in the salon she’s being nominated for a Nobel peace prize. Hey, we’re living in a pandemic, anything’s possible.
The GC is a force to be reckoned with. She once responded to a press question about a section in her autobiography that detailed having been bullied at school with: "I've not read that bit in the book, where was that? I've not seen that bit so I can't comment on that".
And if you’re thinking of treating someone to a bottle of Gemma’s Pink Diva perfume, know that “it smells like all the hotels in Dubai". And if that weren’t incentive enough Gemma says she wears it all the time and "You’ll smell me before you see me. People will know you mean business when you’re wearing it, mate".
Keeping all that in mind it should really be no surprise that Gemma says her mum, Joan, met an alien on the train and communicated with him telepathically.
Sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin.
"I believe in aliens - my mum has actually met one on the train. She said, 'I was sitting on the train and I saw this guy'. Her sixth sense, being a witch, it didn't feel right, so my mum started to feel really uncomfortable. Something didn't feel right about him."
But what didn’t feel right about this fellow passenger, Joan? Was he small and green? Did he have antenna?
"The eyes were dead. So she said, in her head, 'Rustle your newspaper up and down, go up and down with your newspaper three times if you're an alien'.”
And can you Adam and Eve it, the alien only gone and done it.
“He done it. My mum reckons this guy was reading her mind. The alien literally formed as a human. But she's never gotten over that story."
Joan and Gemma are right, there could be no other explanation for a newspaper reader to rustle the pages. None whatsoever. There is no chance on this earth, or indeed on any other planet discovered or undiscovered, that this person was turning a page or shaking out a fold.
It was an alien, pure and simple.
We can but hope that by sharing this story Gemma will inspire a sci-fi remake of The Railway Children with The Old Gentleman as an alien.
Michelle Keegan's dad is such a dad
Michelle Keegan’s dad sounds like a laugh.
He has bought a bar in Tenerife and making the absolute most of having a celebrity for a daughter.
Michelle told The Jonathan Ross Show that she’s forever having to chat to punters on the phone.
"I must have FaceTimes off him five times a day with random customers. He’s really proud. I don’t know how he drops it in. ‘Come in to my bar and get a FaceTime with Michelle’.”
Such a dad.
Christmas can be tough so ask for the help you deserve
Not everyone likes Christmas and not everyone has a safe Christmas, let alone a happy Christmas.
If you want to speak to someone who can help and who won’t judge you can ring Samaritans for free at any time of the day or night on 116 123 or you can chat to them online via www.samaritans.org
Celebrity Christmas trees
Nothing says extra like a celebrity Christmas tree and this year’s examples are very much on message. We start with Amanda Holden's beautiful affair, move on to Stacey Solomon's stunning outdoor Lapland feature and stop at the home of Real Housewife of Beverly Hills' Adrienne Maloof who has gone above and beyond and back again.