Sleb Safari: Travis singer Fran Healy 'mauled' by sausage dog in Hollywood hills

Maeve Connoly

Maeve Connolly

Maeve is the deputy digital editor at The Irish News. She has worked for the company since 2000.

 Bite Fran Healy? Me?
 Bite Fran Healy? Me?

A new week and a new showbiz injury story for the canon. This story has suspense, gore, hot firemen, the Hollywood hills, Stevie Nicks and a sausage dog. Not since troubled troubadour Pete Doherty was hospitalised after a run-in with a hedgehog has a showbiz injury story had so much promise.

The protagonist here is Fran Healy of Travis and Why Does It Always Rain On Me? fame and his aggressor, a sausage dog. Sleb Safari wants to say, from the off-set, that it was a frightened sausage dog and it has Sleb Safari’s full support in the court of social media.

Fran is a resident of the Hollywood hills and while driving in the locality came across a three-car collision and a hirsute oblong with four stubby legs fleeing the scene. Sleb Safari will not be drawn on the likelihood of the sausage dog having been the driver of one of the vehicles. Either way, it took to its heels and Fran chased after it because, as he explained on Twitter: “Cars bomb down our hill and it would have been toast”.

Had Fran read the previous entry in the showbiz injury catalogue he would have learned that rescuers do not always get the thanks they deserve. They sometimes get an infected cut and a hospital stay.

Back to Fran. 

“...I tried to pick it up and it mauled the s**t out my left hand. I held on, hoping to chuck it into our porch but then I slipped and it bolted off, leaving me p**hing blood all over the shop. So much blood.”

Fran’s neighbours heard the commotion/swear words and an ambulance was called.

“I ran into the house and poured alcohol over the wounds, then I came out but it wasn’t an ambulance, it was a massive fire engine and I have to say, five Calvin Klein models got out and then I’m telling them about the daschund and they suggested urgent care… (by the way ladies and some boys… I totally now get the fireman thing) anyways I drove to Urgent Care on Selma and they cleaned me up good and now I’m here and my finger is patched up and bloody sore.”

But what of the little sausage dog Fran?

“The dog is fine,” he assured Twitter. “Was cornered at the bottom of the hill and the owner, who lives in Stevie Nicks old house (pop pickers), was reunited.”

Fran shared pictures of his injured hand and the dog had indeed done him wrong. Having seen pictures of Fran’s digits and being terribly fond of dachshunds, might Sleb Safari be so bold as to suggest that the dog simply mistook Fran’s fingers for sausages? Or is Sleb Safari barking up the wrong tree?

Read more: Pete Doherty, a hedgehog and an infected finger

Meghan Trainor is all about that twin toilet

 Meghan Trainor
 Meghan Trainor

INTIMACY is a wonderful, wonderful thing. So too is privacy. Which brings Sleb Safari to the curious case of singer Meghan Trainor and her husband who have two toilets side by side in their bathroom.

It is by far the most unnecessary design decision Sleb Safari has ever encountered and it has watched a lot of Changing Rooms.

Meghan says adjacent toilets are handy when they both need the bathroom at the same time. To which Sleb Safari would ask, why not install a second bathroom?

“We just got a new house, and we did construction," Meghan began, innocuously. "Nobody knows this, but in our bathroom, there was one toilet, and a lot of time in the middle of the night when we’re with the baby, we’ve got to pee at the same time. So I was like, ‘Can we please have two toilets next to each other?’

“We got two toilets sitting next to each other, and we’ve only pooped together twice. We pee at the same time a lot.”

You’ve been rendered speechless, Sleb Safari understands. Take your time. And rest assured it won’t get any better after a second reading.

Shakira's brush with wild boar makes her thoughtful

Shakira was mugged by wild boar in Barcelona
Shakira was mugged by wild boar in Barcelona

HARDLY a moment has passed since Shakira was mugged by wild boar in a park in Barcelona and here she is being deep and meaningful in Cosmopolitan like a woman who has stared death in the face and barked at it “Dónde está mi bolso?”

“To this day, I find it hard to sing to a small group. It’s embarrassing. I feel a little silly, a little ridiculous, and a little naked. The stage and crowd and lights and applause of the people dress me. Once you take that away and you’re there with your voice—it’s such a private, intimate act, the one of singing and exposing your soul. It’s not a coincidence that people sing in the shower most of the time, because that’s when they’re completely naked and uninhibited and alone.”

Or is it that non-professional singers prefer to sing in the shower because there’s no-one there rolling their eyes and begging them to stop? 

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