Never mind the difficulty of being in two places at once, the amount of events on offer for this year's Belfast Whiskey Week would break a drammer's heart.
For FOIW (Friends of Irish Whiskey) the awful acronym is FOMO (fear of missing out).
With 100 events over the nine-day 'week', culminating on Saturday July 29, there's so much choice, so many experiences.
Tickets for most events are still available at www.belfastwhiskeyweek.com
On opening day, this Friday, among the 16 events there are two distillery days – first to Two Stacks, near Newry, then to the recently-opened Titanic Distillery in Belfast. A fast cab might get you get back from the former so you literally don't miss the boat for the latter, with the 'Lady of the Lagan' setting off from near the Big Blue Fish.
Two Stacks is a fantastic day out, while Titanic have paired with Mike's Fancy Cheeses and Monto Chocolates as part of their spirits tasting and food pairing masterclass.
If you don't head down to sample the delights of the various experimental cask finishes at Two Stacks you still have other choices to make at noon: a Public Houses and Art Trail walking tour, a 'Nose to Tail' bespoke lunch at the Morning Star, or a Whiskey Sensorium experience at The National entitled 'Why Do I Drink Whiskey?'
Mid-afternoon brings another walking tour, a mixology session at Rattlebag, a 'Women Who Whiskey' talk at The Regency, a Glens of Antrim Distillery showcase at White's Tavern, or 'the Olde Hauf 'n' Hauf' – beer and whiskey pairings – at the Deer's Head, with its own micro-brewery.
And breathe…
If you're not sailing off to Titanic, the other Friday evening options include a Tasmanian Whiskey takeover at Waterman House, two more talks/ tasting sessions at The Regency (pre-1980s whiskies and another on whiskies over 25 years old), a Method & Madness painting on water tutorial at Mystery Studio, and a Whyte & Mackay 'from island to highland', exploring Jura, Fettercairn, and Dalmore drams.
Saturday 22nd has just the 13 events, but you'll be lucky to be at any of them. Besides two more walking tours, there's more Mixology, Whiskey Sensorium, pre-1980s whiskies and whiskies over 25 years old, and another 'Nose to Tail' lunch.
Early birds are in for a real treat at the Regency, with an exploration of the Dunville's core range from the Echlinville Distillery on the Ards peninsula, including some of the most sought-after single malts around.
If you're quick on your feet you could then head on to Nancy Mulligan's for some dramming and dancing, in a 'Learn to Jig' session – with three drinks to loosen up your muscles. Have I ever mentioned my bad knee…?
Saturday evening has an event from the next distillery set to open in Belfast, McConnell's, at the wonderful Duke of York bar – or else head east to Urban Scullery on the Newtownards Road. There Master Chef finalist Jonny Stevenson will treat diners to a Supper Club Extra, augmented by four very special cask strength whiskies from around the world.
Back in Belfast, there's a six dram event celebrating Indie Bottlers, subtitled 'Can we expect better?' That question is posed to the mainstream, with the bonders and bottlers like Douglas Laing, Two Stacks, and W.D. O'Connell offering exciting, innovative expressions.
Sunday's schedule is only slightly more sedate, with a dozen events – perhaps most intriguing are two 'Whisky & Witches' immersive tastings at the Deer's Head; fingers crossed the immersion is in whisky, not water, the latter the fate of supposed witches of old.
The biggest brand in Irish whiskey, Jameson, has a wide range, and its ambassador Roisin Maguire invites you to 'Meat the Family' at Tribal Burger. Puns, buns (with burgers in them), and quality drams – what's not to like?
White's Tavern will host a Taste of the Shipyard Dinner on behalf of Titanic Distillers, while there's the first of four Tasmanian Tastings later at the Deer's Head – or a Uisce Beatha Gaeilge at Madden's.
And that, my fellow whisk(e)y-lovers, is only the first weekend.
