You’ve been invited to attend the party of the year in New York, honouring the memory of crotchety designer Karl Lagerfeld (a man who had more love for his cat, Choupette, than the human race), and the pressure of finding an outfit is growing and growing and growing.
Then inspiration strikes: get a Choupette costume made, complete with head, whiskers, tail and those distinctive blue eyes. You wouldn’t would you? But Jared Leto would. And boy was he a big cat.
The theme of this year’s Met Gala was Karl Lagerfeld: A Line of Beauty and Jared’s costume was as creepy as reborn baby dolls. Initially he looked like a gatecrasher as he mingled with the celebrities waiting to climb the stairs into the Met. Lizzo hugged him with a pronounced ‘who even IS this?’ look on her face. Lizzo, would you hug Elmo in Times Square? No you would not. You’re in New York City - don’t let strangers in furry costumes put their arms around you.
The production studio behind the costume, SCPS, told The Guardian there were battery-powered fans inside it pumping air around the actor.
After dabbing for the photographers and generally behaving like a human rather than a cat Jared removed his cat head and revealed himself as the mystery guest. He dandered around for the rest of the night in a black outfit and carrying a cat’s head. It retraumatised those who attended the 2019 Met Gala where he wandered about with a too-realistic model of his own head. Gucci made it for him. Thanks Gucci.
Other notable outfits from the night included Jeremy Pope’s colossal train displaying a hand-drawn portrait of Karl Lagerfeld which was as wide as the stairs into the Met. How he managed to walk anywhere, dragging that thing behind him, is a mystery. And where did he put it when he sat down for dinner? Folded across his lap and those of the people on either side of him?
Lil Nas X didn’t need long to change into his outfit for it was a thong but the rest of his look required a day of preparation. First his face and body were painted chrome and then makeup artist Pat McGrath and team spent ten hours adhering 5,000 stones and 218,784 round flatback crystals to him. His face is captivating and terrifying - is this what the Tin Man would look like with bubonic plague?
Rihanna wore sunglasses with huge eyelashes and that was a fun lewk while Tommy Hilfiger impersonated Karl Lagerfled which was perhaps a little too on the money.
Rounding out the non-existent cat theme was Doja Cat who wore cat prosthetics but gave off strong Star Trek vibes. Oh to have been a fly on the wall in Anna Wintour’s office on the first Tuesday in May.
Met Gala best dressed goes to Anna Wintour
Putting the cats and the plague to one side, the Met Gala’s best dressed of the night was Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour who had a suited and booted Bill Nighy on her arm. He’s not an accessory, of course, but he’d definitely be a lot more fun than a Chanel handbag or the head of a blue-eyed cat. Sometimes it’s best to keep things simple.
Nicolas Cage and his pre-birth memories
It’s been a minute since we checked in on Nicolas Cage, actor, dinosaur fossil enthusiast and husband of four days to one particular wife.
Nicolas has been telling Stephen Colbert that he thinks he can remember being in his mother’s womb. Listen, some people have great long-term memories and some can’t remember what they had for their dinner yesterday and Nic must belong in the first category.
Nicolas said he knows it “sounds really far out” and he’s not even sure “if it’s real or not” but he thinks he can remember “faces in the dark”.
“I know that sounds powerfully abstract, but that somehow seems like maybe it happened,” he said.
“Now that I am no longer in utero, I would have to imagine it was perhaps vocal vibrations resonating through to me at that stage.”
Since Sleb Safari can’t remember what it had for dinner yesterday it’s going to have to take Nic’s word on this.