WHAT a week for slaps. When the history of slaps is written, and there’s no reason to doubt that some day it will be, this period will have its own dedicated chapter. A slapter. Perhaps even it’s own sub-section - images, illustrations, analysis, the whole heap.
The breaking news of Will Smith’s Oscars contretemps with Chris Rock appeared like a fever dream to bleary eyes in the early hours of Monday morning. Did that… really happen?
But the various shocked celebrities collared beating a hasty retreat from the red carpet confirmed what had swiftly superseded Russia’s ongoing assault of Ukraine as the biggest story on the planet, if not the real world.
Liam Payne struggled to make sense of it all, the thwack of Smith’s smack forcing the former One Directioner’s accent to change from Black Country England to somewhere between Steve McClaren Dutch and G-Mac American.
Was it a punch? Was it a slap? Soon the images started to appear. The still shot of Rock’s head jolting to the left, eyes closed while Smith loomed large, warmed palm pointed down, the sword in search of its sheath - a Caravaggio for the modern age - ended any such debate.
After shock came outrage, as talking heads adopted the ‘what about the children’ prosecution line in the wake of Smith’s actions, while continuing to show the footage over and over again. In the morning. With children watching.
Far from from Dolby Theatre, Los Angeles, in O’Donnell Park, Letterkenny - hours before the Oscars got under way - Armagh and Donegal delivered a bit of drama of their own.
Of course, what we should be talking about is the majesty of Michael Murphy’s score early in the second half, the Glenswilly colossus somehow hooking the ball over the bar while being dragged down. Or the breathtaking brilliance of Rian O’Neill’s raking crossfield pass, so brilliantly won and converted for an Andrew Murnin mark.
But we’re not. In fact, what transpired on the field across 70-plus minutes appears to have been almost entirely forgotten as a result of the afters that followed the whistle. It wasn’t pretty - it also wasn’t something most of us haven’t seen countless times before.
That doesn’t make it right, I know. And we’d all be better served not having to look at, and then talk for days about such instances. Think of the kids, for chrissakes. For context, though, first consider the factors at play before closing the book completely.
In under four weeks, those two counties will meet again – this time at Pairc MacCumhaill in the Ulster Championship. Sunday was always going to have an edge, and that eventually resulted in a spiky second half that unfortunately ended with emotions spilling over.
Donegal, after a disappointing couple of years not helped by the absence of a back door, are in make-or-break territory under Declan Bonner. Michael Murphy turns 33 in August. He can’t go on forever, as difficult as that may be to comprehend. This group of Donegal players is under considerable pressure to deliver on their potential before the moment passes.
Armagh are in a similar boat. Touted as a coming force heading into recent Championships, the breakthrough has yet to arrive. It’s 20 years since 2002 – need any more be said? Big things are expected; they expect it of themselves.
In the last Championship meeting between the counties, the bizarre behind-closed-doors campaign of 2020, the Orchard were fancied to give Donegal a run for their money at Kingspan Breffni. They brought fire and fury but were beat out the gate.
Speaking to Armagh players in the time between, it is clear how deeply that day cut. Of all the disappointments - and there have been a few - that was by far the toughest to digest.
Moreso than most other sports, Gaelic football is a game founded on physicality. When players cross the white line, professional standards are expected of amateur athletes – and rightly so. But they are also highly-charged young men, prone to red mist when the sun beats down and pride of place is at stake.
The fracas on Sunday afternoon took place right beneath the stand in O’Donnell Park. Press men and women above had the perfect view. Players face to face, snarling, pushing, pulling, hauling, wrestling each other to the ground in some instances. It was ugly and wholly unnecessary.
In terms of slaps or strikes, none were distinguishable on first viewing, at least not to where my eye was trained with so much going on. Players are generally wise enough to know that severe consequences will follow any such act.
Yet, leaving Letterkenny that evening, I wasn’t thinking what a crowd of bad hoors, or about the hot water they might have just landed themselves in. I’ll be honest, I was thinking I can’t wait until April 24.
Donegal supporters booed the Armagh players down the tunnel before roaring off their own. Oul boys slabbered at each other from across rows of seats – ‘aye, what about so and so, nothing but a tramp’. It was raw, it was visceral but anybody who wasn’t already buzzing for Ballybofey left with a spring in their step and fire in their belly.
By the time I got home, though, the tune had started to change.
As a rule of thumb I fast forward past the League Sunday coverage of whatever match I was at, for fear of a sleepless night at errant details – who played the last pass before the goal, the wrong marker left for dead.
The melee came in for considerable attention and, after breaking my golden rule, the doubts began. Had I underplayed the significance of it all?
Even former Dublin midfielder Ciaran Whelan – patron saint of melees – predicted a “nervous week ahead” for both camps.
“You can say there’s pushing and shoving but there are digs thrown and I’d say it’s concerning going into the Championship four weeks away.
“Both managers will be thinking ‘what did we get ourselves involved in here, we have left ourselves exposed’… some lads will have a nervous week ahead.’”
On Wednesday The Irish News confirmed that, following receipt of referee Paddy Neilan’s report, Armagh trio Ciaran Mackin, Aidan Nugent and Stefan Campbell, and Donegal duo Odhran McFadden-Ferry and Neil McGee had all been hit with one match suspensions – ruling them out of the counties’ renewal of acquaintances.
After the penalties handed out when Tyrone and Armagh met in February, social media has predictably been awash with allegations of anti-Ulster bias. Other than Pat Spillane loving a well-oiled defensive unit these days, it’s like the Noughties all over again.
The GAA has made a clear statement in its determination to stamp out such scenes but, if they are to be taken seriously, then consistency is key from here on. The precedent is set, the die cast.
It could be a busy summer in the boardroom as well as on the field.
