I DON'T understand my husband; he is so possessive.
He wants to be with me all the time and hates me going out on my own to see friends or to my evening classes.
If I do go out, he virtually cross-examines me when I return, wanting to know where I have been and who I saw.
He says it's because he's interested in me and loves me so much, but it's making me feel hemmed-in or like I'm in prison.
I know his first marriage wasn't a happy one, and that his first wife cheated on him for many years, but I've told him, over and over again, that I love him and want to be with him.
How can I reassure him and get myself some space?
SR
FIONA SAYS: If he's been badly hurt in the past, it's not surprising he is now insecure and afraid of being hurt again.
Being jealous and possessive though is, unfortunately, more likely to drive you away than keep you close.
That is almost certainly the last thing he wants, but he's driving a wedge between you already and somehow you have to make him understand this, without hurting him.
Try to get him to understand that you both need to have some independence and, more importantly, that you love and trust one another.
As long as he remains unhappy and insecure, you will continue to have a problem and if you could steer him towards some counselling, it would really help.
I'M JEALOUS OF HIS KIDS
MY boyfriend and I have just started living together, but I'm finding the weekend visits from his children really difficult.
They are good kids, but I can't stop myself feeling resentful and jealous the whole time they are here, and I spend most weekends in my bedroom or pottering around the garden.
I just can't face seeing how happy they are to be with their father.
My own childhood was pretty awful, which might explain my feelings, but I'm worried that if I go on like this my boyfriend will leave me; he's certainly never giving up on his children!
How do I stop myself from being this way?
LV
FIONA SAYS: You can't just stop the feelings you have, you need to find out what causes them and how to change them.
You know it is not logical to blame your boyfriend and his children for being happy together, but telling yourself that won't help when your own unhappy memories get in the way.
I'm sure your boyfriend is aware something is wrong, but have you tried to talk to him?
Opening up to someone and explaining your feelings would really help and he would know then that it is your problem and not resentment of his time with the children.
Explain that seeing him happy with them brings back your own unhappy memories.
Once he understands why you seem uncomfortable when they are around, I am sure he will want to help you.
It would be worth talking to your GP too as you would probably benefit from professional counselling and support to come to terms with your childhood.
I'M MAKING MYSELF SICK
EVERYBODY thinks I have a perfect life – I have a good job, a nice house and loving a family.
However, what they don't know is that I keep myself thin by deliberately making myself sick after eating.
I've been doing this for the past two years and in that time I have lost four stone in weight. They all think I look so attractive, but when I take my make-up off, I have dark shadows under my eyes and my skin is bad.
I know my weight will just balloon if I stop, but am I really putting my health at risk by carrying on this way?
SI
FIONA SAYS: Deep down, I think you know you are or you wouldn't have written to me.
Please seek help from your doctor because it very much sounds like you have the condition known as bulimia.
Whilst many people with bulimia binge-eat then either induce vomiting, or use laxatives to purge the food from their bodies, you don't mention doing this.
Nonetheless, you seem frightened by what you think food will do to you and so I believe you need medical help.
Yes, you are doing damage to your body in a variety of ways.
You're probably getting insufficient nutrition and so could suffer a range of physical problems.
Tiredness, weakness, abnormal heart rhythms, kidney damage, convulsions, irregular periods, poor skin and hair, bowel problems, muscle spasms and heart problems are all possibilities.
That's not all though, the acid from your excessive vomiting can also mean dental problems and swollen glands (which make your face appear fatter).
We are constantly bombarded by media images that imply we must be thin in order to be 'normal' – whatever that means.
There is no such thing.
We all come in different shapes and sizes, but attractive, successful and apparently happy women are doing dreadful things to their bodies to fit some false image.
Please do go and see your doctor and also contact B-Eat (www.b-eat.co.uk) – the "beating eating disorders" charity can really help you understand what you're doing to yourself.
I'VE LIED TO HIM ABOUT MY AGE
I'LL be 16 in May, but my boyfriend thinks I'm 19.
He's 26, so I've let him go on thinking this, but he and my parents have separately been making noises about wanting to meet each other.
They don't know how old he is and now I'm panicking because he's bound to find out I'm 15 and then I'm sure I'd lose him.
How do I stop this?
BW
FIONA SAYS: If you're going to go on seeing this man, sooner or later, he's going to find out how old you are.
You're not being fair to him by lying about your age.
Wouldn't you feel better if he found out from you rather than hearing it from your parents or someone else?
A 10-year age gap when you're 26 and he's 36 hardly seems to matter, but when you're only 15, a 10-year age gap is huge, no matter how mature and sophisticated you are.
If you care about him, tell him the truth, even if that means you lose him.
At least you won't then have the constant anxiety of being found out.
