THE two sides of the Newry Road cover the whole spectrum of colour and emotion.
As autumn daws the trees that line up at the entry to St Louis’ Grammar school in Kilkeel are bared and brown. The back of the ‘30’ signs he sees on his way in are as grey as the bus shelters on either side.
Turn right and it’s green railings at work, the grass of the pitches on which he will coach their first year and upper sixth football teams after school.
On the other side of the road, the blacks and greys of headstones in the graveyard.
Niall McAleenan finds comfort in looking across, knowing that Dean’s always there with him.
It was the end of March 2021 when he and wife Gillian attended Lagan Valley Hospital for their 20-week scan. The 12-week and 16-week scans had been fine and they’d begun to plan for a new baby brother for Luke and Ben.
But by the look on the midwife’s face it was clear something wasn’t right.
“You could just see she had a bit of shock on her face. She felt there wasn’t much movement in the baby and that he was more curled up," recalls Niall.
The midwife called for a doctor and he confirmed news that any expectant parents dread. Gillian had suffered a miscarriage.
“That evening we came home, and Gillian went in [to the Ulster Hospital in Dundonald] a couple of days later and delivered Dean.
“The nice thing was that we got to spend about a day-and-a-half with him. That’s something we’ll look back on fondly.
“It’s like anything, people that haven’t experienced it probably don’t totally understand it. When your wife’s pregnant, you have your hopes and dreams for whatever the child might be and you’re looking at the future and what it might entail. Then that’s taken away from you…
“Our 12-week scan was really, really positive. At 16 weeks, Gillian went down and everything was well. It was a complete bolt out of the blue that day. It’s one of those memories that will live with you forever. Then having to go in and deliver Dean…
“I have to say, everything was done very sensitively in the Ulster Hospital, the care the midwives gave us was brilliant.
“The way we handled it was we sent Dean away for a post-mortem and when he came back, we had a wee service and a wee burial just in our family grave, which funny enough is almost literally straight across from where I take the teams here in school.”
Living just off the Sprucefield Roundabout near Lisburn at the minute, their plans are to build in Killowen, just out the road from Kilkeel, over the next few years.
Naturally, the loss of Dean hit them hard. Niall had stepped down as Warrenpoint manager the previous winter and was taking the year out of management when they lost Dean.
But they’re get-up-and-get-on people. They had Luke and Ben at home, then four and two. When they got the chance, Niall and Gillian hit the gym or walked up Cavehill.
Yet they have found great comfort in conversation. The boys know about their brother and they celebrated his first birthday with some cake. When the boys say their night-time prayers, they pray for Dean.
“It hit myself and Gillian really, really hard at that time. Since that I’ve got talking to other fellas that I would have been reasonably friendly with at university and stuff, they were telling me about their own experiences through it.
“We have very supportive parents on both sides and the school here was very supportive as well. You just do need to take a wee bit of time yourselves as a family.
“It doesn’t make up for the loss of Dean but we’re lucky we had the other two boys to focus on and move on. You get daily laughs and craic with those two.
“The oldest fella in particular, Luke, he’d be very aware and constantly talk about Dean, knowing he has a brother.”
They used and found great help in the counselling services made available to them, through both Dundonald Hospital and stillbirth and neonatal death charity, SANDS.
“I think for both men and women, it’s something that should be talked about more.
“It happens so often and has such a big impact, not just on the child’s parents but the wider family circle too. Both sets of parents, brothers and sisters and in-laws took it very badly too.”
That he’d taken the year out of football proved a very small blessing. He had the time to be around home and heal. When the phone started ringing in the autumn, he considered extending that leave.
The first call from Granemore came from Declan Doyle. It appealed but logistically the idea seemed difficult at best. It felt like a ‘no’.
But a week later chairman Pete Carr followed up. He agreed to meet and got a good vibe about it.
“Pete, a very convincing chairman, rang me and spoke to me at length about how much of a community club it was and the togetherness that was there.
“He spoke about wanting to stay in the first division and maybe push on and have a wee run in the championship. I went to meet Pete and to be honest, ye know sometimes you meet a fella for the first time and you get a good feeling from him? I got a real strong feeling from Pete that he was a solid sort of person.”
The idea got home blessing and so, having guided Warrenpoint to a first Down final for 41 years in 2019, Niall McAleenan is 60 minutes from taking Granemore to their first ever senior decider in Armagh.
Most evenings of the week, the St Louis’ teams gather on the pitch. Dean is only ever yards away.
“I’m surrounded by him every day. In that respect I get a bit of comfort from it.”
