For Belfast-born Palestinian Khalid El-Estal (30), returning back to the city of his birth for the first time in 22 years should have been a happy occasion.
Instead, it comes just days after his wife Ashwak Jendia has died after a bomb blast caused her serious burns.
Their two young children, Ali (4) and one-year-old Sara, also remain in a hospital in the southern city of Khan Yunis and are unable to leave to be with their father.
An Irish citizen, Khalid had been working in Saudi Arabia to support his family when the region descended into war after a deadly attack from Hamas fighters on October 7 claimed around 1,400 lives in southern Israel.
With a relentless retaliation from Israel ever since, the Health Ministry in Hamas-run Gaza has said the Palestinian death toll has now passed 10,000, including more than 4,000 children.
Meeting with The Irish News in west Belfast’s Cultúrlann, Khalid’s first thought is to share his breakfast and thank those helping him in his efforts to get his children to safety.
Still in a state of shock about losing not only his wife, but also his mother, brother, uncle and two cousins, he is now searching for a way to bring his children to Belfast.
Crossing the border into Egypt remains their only plausible option, but it remains out of reach.
“I was always hoping to come back to Belfast, I have a lot of memories,” he said.
“I remember going to Botanic Primary School and was always telling my wife that it would be emotional for me to come here. All the way on my journey I was thinking of her, it was my dream to come here with her.”
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Last month, Khalid had previously told The Irish News how his best friend’s wife and children were killed in the fighting.
“I thought that was the worst day of my life to hear that. I was crying all the time and didn’t go to work for four days,” he said.
By October 22, the same friend messaged Khalid to say his family had been caught up in an explosion.
Ashwak had first fled Gaza City with the children after Israel warned people to evacuate the northern part of Gaza.
Moving to an apartment in the central city of Deir al-Balah, an explosion in a building next door prompted another move to Khan Yunis near the border.
“The same day she went to this place, a bombing happened in the apartment. All the night before she had been talking with me until 7am,” he said.
“She was very afraid about the previous day’s blast, telling me ‘I can’t get the sound of the rocket from my head, I can see the light’.
“The last thing I heard from her, I asked her how she had been sleeping and she told me ‘it’s OK’.”
With his friend at the hospital, Khalid learned that his mother and brother had died but his children had survived.
Ashwak was in intensive care, suffering burns on around 60 per cent of her body, especially her face.
Travelling to Dublin in the hope of securing help for his wife, she died one day after his arrival.
His children remain in good health but are sheltering in the hospital, thought to be the least dangerous option for them.
Work is underway to prepare their travel documents, but there is no guarantee of safely crossing the border.
Khalid also believes that Israel is reluctant to let Irish citizens leave, following criticism from the Irish government.
While remaining softly spoken, the anger he feels is obvious when trying to understand the sheer scale of the casualties.
“They treat us like animals. If, here in Belfast, someone killed 1,000 dogs then everyone would be on the streets.
“But in Gaza they have killed over 4,000 children in less than one month, can you imagine that?”
Before October, Khalid had bought makeup for his wife in Saudi Arabia.
“She loved that kind of gift. But, in the end, she was completely burned. My dad also loved her more than me because she was the only girl in the family.
“She was smart, talented and responsible… and now she’s gone.”
Khalid has been asked if the Hamas attack on October 7 was justifiable, but said the real focus should be about the innocent people who did not choose violence.
“It’s very hard for me to tell this story, but I will keep doing it because I don’t want anyone to forget my wife,” he said.
“My wife was a wonderful girl, she was amazing. I can’t believe she passed away.
“She was my life. I don’t know how to face my children now, can you imagine that?
“I’m afraid to do that. What can I tell my son?”
Addressing the Israeli government, he added: “These people are innocent. If you are fighting some people, it doesn’t mean that you should destroy everything.
“Please let them out. My mother and wife were innocent.”
