TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA is fear or avoidance of the number 13. Although I am slightly superstitious, I wouldn’t’ go overboard in my dislike of the number or the date but I would have avoided it if given the option. Then on November 13 last year, I gave birth to my daughter, and this association with the number 13 changed forever.
Thanks to her, I have learned something new every day of the past 12 months. I wouldn’t like to begin to list the things she has taught me about all aspects of life – nor will I bore you the details.
The first year of her life has been full of milestones. Her first smile, her first tooth, her first haircut, her first steps, her first false cough. Ahem!
As her first birthday approaches, I never expected to be ‘celebrating’ in the middle of a global pandemic.
The celebration of milestones has changed significantly in the virtual world – more so now as we try to stay in touch with our nearest and dearest, while remaining apart. We are now expected to share all these moments on social media; and the bigger the splash, the better.
I have posted some photos of Neansaí on social media this year. Until recently, I was content with what I posted and when. I didn’t feel like I had ‘overshared’ – but a recent conversation with a friend made me think again.
This friend never shares photos of her children online, and I understand why. She chooses to privately send her family and close friends photos from beautifully captured moments. She explained to me that she’s just not into ‘sharenting’ – parents sharing and over sharing photos of their children on social media platforms.
I have wanted to share many cute pictures of my baby during her first year on social media – why wouldn’t I? She’s gorgeous and I’m very proud of her and marvel at her progress as a little human being.
I have shared some images and I have wanted to share a lot more but something keeps stopping me from posting photos of my daughter online more often than I have done.
Some sharenting is educational, some is entertaining – hilarious even. But it’s easy to see how most of it can be perceived as egotistical, boastful, even needy. The tone of social media posts is often difficult to read.
Apart from the very serious issue of no longer owning these images when they are published online, and the fear of them making it into the wrong hands, the other questions are, will our children thank us for sharing when they are older? Does their opinion matter?
The accessibility and excellent quality of digital technology means that we can conduct a photo shoot every day if we wish. I take plenty of photos but even then I wonder if I am documenting enough of my daughter’s first year. I stress that I am documenting this for myself, not for public consumption. I don’t photograph or video her every move, nor do I feel the need to.
Recently, I gave in and posted a couple of images of her first Halloween, her first GAA inter-county football championship. I posted the images online within two days of each other. The intention was that my posts were for fun – Neansaí didn’t enjoy wearing a dress for Halloween, which bodes well as there is a good chance that she might not be into Princess dresses, but we’ll see. As for dressing her in a Tyrone strip – well, it goes without saying that I was trying to provoke a reaction from my nearest and dearest who are from Armagh.
I now wonder if I was over-sharing? Is there a tangible way to measure this? Is it acceptable to post some photos of our children online, or is it best not to post any images at all?
Many celebrities like TV presenters Christine Lampard, Holly Willoughby and Alex Jones choose not to post pictures of their children online. If they do, their faces never feature. Meanwhile, many other celebrities have no problem posting the ins and outs of their familial lives on social media. They may or may not be making money out of this – which is their prerogative.
We might outgrow the desire or need to share pictures of our children’s every milestone on socials. For now though, especially while Covid-19 is among us, it’s a trend that’s going nowhere.
