Sleb Safari: Madonna's making a film about Madonna

Madonna's newest creation is Madame X. Picture by David Mizoeff/PA Wire

LIFE is a mystery… no longer, because Madonna is making a film about herself. That’s right, with a firm hand in the small of our back Queen Madge is going to march us through a near 40-year career, pointing out the ‘good bits’ and explaining why she’s an icon.

It’ll be a challenge to condense Madonna and her conical bras into 90 minutes. She’s a chameleon with an expansive career and imagination to match. She started Like A Virgin and her latest incarnation is Madame X, having burned through Rodeo Girl, first lady of Argentina, Disco Ball Diva and umpteen other personas in between.

To further complicate things Madonna says Madame X is “a secret agent, travelling around the world, changing identities, fighting for freedom, bringing light to dark places. She is a dancer, a professor, a head of state, a housekeeper, an equestrian, a prisoner, a student, a mother, a child, a teacher, a nun, a singer, a saint, a whore”. Madame X must fall into bed exhausted at night.

Madonna’s current working from home look is Heidi meets Little Red Riding Hood’s granny. Is it informing her work or is her work informing the look? Will Madame Y be an orphan, an ailing child’s companion, travelling the world teaching people how to plait their hair, shining the torch on her iPhone so that Peter can count the goats? Or will she be a lion tamer, an environmentalist, a potter and a pin up? There can be no limits to Madame Y’s accomplishments.


Life is a Battle Work is a struggle Creation is the beautiful reward!! ??

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Inevitably Madonna is co-writing the script to her film and she’s writing with Diablo Cody who won an Oscar for Juno. Madonna was never going to let just anyone else’s hands near her life story, no matter how well they Vogue.

Madge is clear about the focus of her film. “Music has kept me going and art has kept me alive. There are so many untold and inspiring stories and who better to tell it than me. It’s essential to share the roller coaster ride of my life with my voice and vision.”

We must wait to find out who will play Madonna in the film. Lourdes, her eldest daughter, might fancy a crack at it. Or, someone else with time on their hands is Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay has some free time because she – reportedly – isn’t writing the autobiography she signed up to.

Lindsay is reportedly being sued by a publishing house which alleges she received a $365,000 advance for an autobiography which it has yet to receive, five years after it was due. Now that’s a missed deadline.

So, we’ve established that Lindsay is available to work and reminded ourselves that she’s a recording artist, an actor and a lady who is ripe for a proper comeback. Papa Don’t Preach, we might just have found ourselves a Madonna.


Gavin and Stacey update

TAKE heart Gavin and Stacey fans, Ruth Jones says while the door to another special is currently closed it is not locked.

The Christmas special was perfect and succeeded where a lot of other specials have failed but Ruth says she and co-writer James Corden struggled to get it right and hit a brick wall when it came to progressing Gavin and Stacey's relationship until they realised they needed to show how the couple "keep that romance alive" after falling in love on Barry Island.



Lily Allen's wedding dress is a winner

Lily Allen got married in Vegas to David Harbour and how cute is this wedding dress?



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Social Media Smut




My friend @jbpitts2 took this photo of us. He’s still my favorite sweet little dirtball. He and I have been at this a long time, and it is our relentless and stubborn idealism that keeps us together. Marriage is awful, wonderful, comfort and rage. It is boring, terrifying, and a total nail biter. It is loving another fallible creature while trying to love yourself. It is a lifetime of coming back to the table. People laugh at us because we’re either fighting or laughing. They roll their eyes when we talk about therapy. But I’ll tell you what. It’s worth it. All of it. Even when it isn’t. Therapy isn’t for weak people or hippies or liberals. It’s for broken people that want to be whole. It’s for runaways that want a family. It’s a lesson on how to sit down and listen. How to love yourself so that the other person can, too. I love you babe. I’m grateful we made it to this photo @hartluck

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