I’ve been asked my opinion about the rights and wrongs of lying and how to handle telling ‘porkies’ especially when it comes to children.
I once had a tooth-cleaning incident. I was constantly reminding my daughter, then eight years old, to clean her teeth in the morning, which usually resulted in a mad dash to the bathroom before storming out the door to school.
I suspected she was just paying lip service, dashing upstairs turning on the top step and dashing down again and away. So I laid a trap. I put toothpaste on the brush. When I asked her if she’d cleaned her teeth she said: “Yes, Mummy,” with an innocent grin and about to rush off.
“Just wait one minute – upstairs,” Sure enough, just as I suspected, there was the brush with the toothpaste still on it. There followed a tense conversation about lying through your teeth, so to speak. The moral being, if you insist on telling lies be sure you’re not found out.
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Opps a daisy. Last sentence not good and not moral at all!
Like most children, I was brought up not to lie, which has left me caught out on occasions when challenged about something and I give the game away by telling the truth and suffer the consequences.
I hasten to add that my lies are usually white and mostly exaggeration. This poses the question, is it wrong to embroider the truth?
A recent study of 194 people in America discovered that 62.7 per cent of those who believed they were “good liars” were men compared to 27.3 per cent female.
We’ve terrible examples in public life at the moment – Boris Johnston swayed millions into backing him over Brexit and now there's his dithering about Covid-19. Trump is worse again.
Yet they get away with it – at least for the moment. Getting their comeuppance in heaven isn’t enough for me – I want them shamed now.
Although lying is basically wrong it’s also risky because somewhere along the line the truth will out so, rather than punishing children when they tell fibs, I think it’s best to talk to them about cheating when they are young. I also think grandparents have a part to play; they have time and wisdom and probably examples in their own lives of how important honesty is and how they expect it from their children and their grandchildren.
I remember stealing my cousin's beautiful large coloured papier mâché egg. I loved it more than she did, or so I thought, so I took it and hid it in my bedroom. When the disappearance was uncovered lots of questions were asked. Had I seen it?
Wide eyed, I professed “NO.” I was roped into searching for it. “I can’t find it,” I reported.
Later that day my mother, who suspected all along, came to my bedroom where I was sitting wondering what I should do because it was far too late to admit my misdemeanour. She simply asked me: “Where is it?” I handed it over with some relief, I was told to apologise to my cousin, a shaming experience at eight years of age but I’d learned my lesson and needed no punishment.
:: Is a white lie a bad lie?
In the late 1940s a group of people got together and determined they would not tell lies under any circumstances. They didn’t last because you can’t go through life being totally honest – you would hurt too many people. But is manipulating the truth OK?
Ever tried to get a last-minute passport or renewing an existing one? Here’s what someone I know did – went cap in hand to the passport office pleading his old aunt was dying in New York. He was so convincing that a renewed passport was ready in a matter of hours. Bending the rules? Or using the head?
:: Where do you stand with this one?
Question. Sophie Bagley is a woman living in England and she likes shooting pheasant near her Yorkshire home – up to 300 a week, apparently.
“I’ve a number of friends who won’t eat pheasant when I serve it at a dinner party,” she reported somewhat grandly, “so I put it in lasagnes and cottage pies and they love them. I don’t tell them what they are eating.”
It’s not so much the shooting of the birds, which is bad enough, it’s lying to your friends who, for whatever reason, don’t want to eat these beautiful animals. I think that’s underhand and unpleasant.
So lying comes in all shapes and forms. Recent speculation over Phillip Schofield’s love life must be difficult for him. Presumably he was living a lie for years before letting it be known earlier this year that he is gay. So what?
Obviously his wife knew and his daughters, and they are calm and accepting so there was no need for banner headlines. I don’t think he’s ‘brave’ but I do imagine he’s relieved.
Bang goes my theory that he and Holly Willoughby are more than mates now the truth is in the open, the two can go off on holiday with their families and have a brilliant time and there’s no gossip in the red tops.
:: Face mask advice
I notice that still very few people are sporting face masks, so what is the advice?
The Department of Health sent me the following message:
“It’s recommended that members of the public consider the use of face coverings for short periods in enclosed spaces, where social distancing is not possible. Any change in policy will be considered in the context of Covid-19 epidemiology in Northern Ireland and in line with requirements for rebuilding of our health and social care services.”
Better be safe than sorry. Learn to smile with your eyes!
