I HAVE inadvertently fallen into the worrying habit of writing this column earlier in the week than usual. The cause of this uncharacteristic professionalism is due, I believe, to my wife, who I suspect has infected me with her Protestant work ethic.
I intend to fight this insidious infection and return to my normal lazy Catholic ways, as everyone knows making too much of an effort in any aspect of life is sure to result in misery.
A perfect example of this truism is this week's column. This is my second attempt to write it, something I've never found necessary previously.
Having slipped into uncharacteristic preparation, I completed my first column on Monday.
The decision to base it on the topical issue of MLA pay proved a grave mistake as by Wednesday, just two days later, events had rendered my caustic polemic completely irrelevant.
Having spent 750 words excoriating our greedy politicians and demanding that their salaries be cut immediately, I'd never thought for a second that would happen.
But wouldn't you know it, our English overlord Chris Heaton-Harris uncharacteristically carried through on something he had threatened and cut their bloody salaries - leaving me, for the first time ever, needing to do a complete rewrite.
Naturally, I blame my Protestant. Be assured the next time she admonishes me for leaving everything to the last minute, I will remind her of this week's wasted time and effort.
While not wishing to appear churlish at Mr Heaton-Harris's political decisiveness - and we still need to wait for legislation implementing the cut to be passed, hopefully sooner rather than later - I would point out that his move has come a bit late.
During the Assembly's last protracted collapse in 2017, a benchmark was set when Sir Trevor Reaney decided a reasonable reduction in MLA pay would involve a cut of 27.5 per cent, the figure Heaton-Harris has also settled on.
Presently MLAs receive a salary of £51,500 per annum, which is a gross weekly take home pay of £990. If we cut that by 27.5 per cent, their salary is reduced to £37,337 resulting in a gross weekly pay of £718. Do the sums, and we're left with a weekly over-payment of £272 per MLA.
This being the fortieth week the Assembly hasn't been able to work properly since the DUP either collapsed the Executive or refused to allow a new Assembly to form means a cumulative overpayment to each MLA of £10,880, costing us a combined outlay of just shy of £1 million, and counting.
Imagine the good this money could have done if spent in our hospitals or schools.
I've a suggestion which would help our politicians redeem some degree of integrity: they should make a one-off donation of £5k to a charity of their choice.
I can even suggest a charity worthy of their support, namely Cancer Focus NI (CFNI). Cancer afflicts the young and old, the strong and weak, the just and unjust. The work of CFNI stretches from cutting edge cancer research at Queen's University, the counselling of cancer patients and their families, to arranging lifts to and from hospital appointments.
While Heaton-Harris bottled calling an election, kicking that can down a very long road, an election still seems inevitable.
This should concentrate MLAs' minds as one of the first questions they may be asked when canvassing is, 'Did you pay anything back?', and if not, 'Why didn't you pay anything back?' So, I'd encourage all 90 to take this opportunity to do the right thing... PAY IT BACK.
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AS nurses vote to strike, I was struck by a story emblematic of the problems within our health service. This paper reported how a car owned by a health worker was burnt out while parked beside the Royal Victoria Hospital.
There was understandable condemnation of the attack, but what shocked me most was the fact they had been living in their car.
Over the last 10 years, nursing salaries have failed to keep up with inflation, resulting in real terms pay cuts and many being forced to visit food banks just to feed their families.
At the same time, the banking sector has been given a green light to reintroduce obscene bonus schemes whilst a quarter of the UK population have savings of less than £100, indicative of a society so economically unbalanced as to be untenable.
It's going to be a long cold winter, unless of course you happen to be a part-time MLA. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
