We’re tripping over allegations about cheating around here.
Skulduggery is lurking like a ghost on the fringes of fishing competitions and from side stage at the feis.
It’s the convent girl in me. I love a good scandal.
Who could not quash the frisson of excitement at that footage from the Lake Erie Walleye Trail?
It’s a big fishing competition and the judge was weighing out a whopper of a fish as the fishermen and their friends looked on when suddenly he shouts: “We’ve got weights in fish.”
Cut to the fish belly and inside there were indeed round beads and fillets of what looked like other fish.
Shock, horror, real life drama. The accused fishermen have pleaded not guilty.
Talking about little round beads, let us segue to the chess drama.
This is intrigue with anal throw in… it’s the thought of it really – see above ‘convent girl’ note.
The world chess champion Magnus Carlsen recently walked out on the new kid on the block Hans Niemann who is 19 and who insisted he’d play naked to prove that he wasn’t hiding anything.
There have been rumours involving… whisper it… vibrating anal beads.
Niemann insists he has done no such thing … and indeed has been filmed undergoing a thorough metal detector scan of his posterior to prove the point.
Nearer to home, we have the Irish dancing affair. Cheating allegations are rife, even including the alleged exchange of 'sexual favours', according to some reports.
O my giddy aunt… between the reels and the jigs. If you know anything about these allegations, then you are encouraged to ring the hotline; the number is 1234567; 123 and a 123 (I couldn’t resist).
It’s great all this hokery pokery and high jiggery.. having been locked up for two years in this pandemic, who
doesn’t need high drama at the feis and vibrating anal beads?
When you have spent your childhood walking in single file down the gold line in primary school corridors with your finger firmly on your lips, then breaking the rules is too tempting.
I was thinking that on a recent short break to London with school friends who also trotted up corridors with their fingers on their lips.
A lot of families have Wordle groups - the game where you have to guess the five-letter word.
My friend was doing hers to share in a WhatsApp group with her children and wider family.
The word for the day was ‘khaki”, a nightmare of a word. I don’t believe anyone could get it in one go… it needed five tries.
My friend got ‘khaki’ after a couple of tries and went to share it with her WhatsApp group.
“Why don’t you open a separate browser and then call up Wordle and put in ‘khaki’, then it’ll look like you got it at the first go and everyone will be stunned?” I suggested.
It was a cunning plan. She was having none of it.
“I taught my children never to tell lies, I couldn’t do it,” she said.
Obviously, she is not in the market for vibrating anal beads.
Personally, I thought Blackadder would be clapping me on the back for that one.
It was nearly as good as the great University Challenge ruse.
In ye olde days of ye olde video recorder, we used to tape University Challenge to watch at our leisure.
One Monday night I happened to call with our friends and they happened to be watching it live. That was in the days when terrestrial television was a thing.
They got me a cup of tea and went to turn it off.
“Don’t do that” I said and we all sat and drank in the answers.
An hour later, back home and cosy on the sofa with Mr Brainbox I suggested a cup of tea and University Challenge.
Oh the sweet joy as the answers tumbled from my lips - nuclear physics – a dawdle; chemical equations; rare Renaissance artists … bring it on!
He was dazed, incredulous… he couldn’t finish his jammy dodger.
Reader, I was that jammy dodger.
Amazing what knowledge one little brain can retain for a short time. Had I waited too long, the answers would have seeped out like tea from a chocolate pot.
But, oh, the look on his face as the answers tumbled off my tongue.
Skulduggery? Mischief? Bring it on!
