Opinion

William Scholes: Parody parliament tweetering on the edge of credibility

William Scholes

William Scholes

William has worked at The Irish News since 2002. His areas of interest include religion and motoring.

The Stormont assembly is not renowned as an emporium of the English language
The Stormont assembly is not renowned as an emporium of the English language The Stormont assembly is not renowned as an emporium of the English language

IN much the same way that anyone who argues that Arlene Foster is a great natural politician immediately identifies themselves as a dunce, it's a truism that Stormont has long looked like a poor imitation of a real, proper legislature.

It's inevitable that a parody parliament is populated by parody politicians.

Sinn Féin MLA Carál Ní Chuilín deserves congratulations for embracing the opportunities offered by the recently reopened circus on the hill by apparently live-tweeting during a Stormont debate from what had all the hallmarks of being a parody Twitter account.

With an almost admirable disregard for punctuation and matching her tenses, Ms Ní Chuilín, a former culture minister, said on Tuesday: "Roy Beggs had been on his feet talking non-stop about everything bar the Budget Bill.

"I can tell that Im not the only MLA who akins his droning voice to fingernails trailing down a blackboard."

For an extra flourish of gratuitous vitriol, the payoff line was: "Make it stop ffs."

The tweet has since been deleted.

Stormont has never been what one might describe as an emporium of the English language.

It's perhaps reflective of its generally sub-prime character that it is difficult to recall speeches that were memorable for their eloquence and the positive vision they articulated.

Sadly, it is easier to remember those laced with invective of the "curry my yoghurt" variety.

The DUP might have perfected this style of discourse but others have proved adept at it.

We shouldn't be too po-faced, however. There should, of course, be a place for banter and humour.

But there should be courtesy, too. Ms Ní Chuilín's tweet lacked that.

Even on its own coarse terms, it didn't make sense - since when does the scraping of nails down a blackboard make a droning sound?

Watch the scene in Jaws where Robert Shaw's character Quint makes his entry if you want to know what fingernails down a blackboard sounds like...

I'm not aware that Mr Beggs has ever been described as the Cicero of the Ulster Unionist Party and while his speech may not have been scintillating oratory he had the right to make his points.

Sinn Féin admitted this, telling this newspaper it was Mr Beggs's prerogative to talk for as long as he wished in the assembly.

However, the party added, "when it is a rambling and incoherent monologue, MLAs also have the right to point this out".

It seems odd that an MLA, seized by the brave and selfless desire to draw "a rambling and incoherent monologue" to the attention of a wider audience, should take to Twitter to do so in a post which a casual observer might also describe as "a rambling and incoherent monologue".

Stormont has never been what one might describe as an emporium of the English language

Or maybe it's not odd. Perhaps it's entirely consistent with the way a pound-shop parliament should be expected to behave.

Others might wonder if there is a hint of flexible standards at play. It is all too easy to picture how Sinn Féin would react had a male representative from a unionist party been similarly disparaging about, for example, Michelle O'Neill's voice.

And if you are slagging off the man, then you don't have to engage with his arguments.

None of this episode sits well with the 'respect' element of Sinn Féin's cherished mantra of dignity, equality and respect.

For some unionists, and others, that will be enough to cast a shadow of doubt on Sinn Féin's sincerity.

It will recall Gerry Adams and his "break the bastards" routine, for example, in which he said that equality was the "Trojan horse of the entire republican strategy".

Meanwhile, the DUP's Sammy Wilson ventured on to Twitter to criticise Sinn Féin.

With typical restraint, he said he feared for the Irish economy "if a bunch of Corbynites in balaclavas gain any influence over fiscal policy in the south".

Maybe things would be better if they all stayed away from social media.