I was so happy when I got married and moved into a new house with my husband. Three years on and we have got ourselves so far into debt that I am worried we are going under. Our wedding was very expensive and we pushed our finances to the limit to buy our house.
Worryingly, our fixed rate mortgage expires early next spring and I hate to think how much more expensive that is going to be. Recently, everything else has got so much more expensive, especially our energy payments. Our credit cards are just about maxed out, and I am so scared that I am not sleeping.
The silly thing is, we both earn quite good money, but I have no idea where it all goes. I have stopped opening our mail because I just know there's going to be another bill we can't pay. As you might imagine, it's hard to get excited about Christmas with all this hanging over us.
My company is having its Christmas lunch this week and everyone is expected to attend, but I am dreading it. The thought of trying to appear cheerful for three hours with a bunch of happy, drunk people makes me feel sick. I will probably have to take a day or two off work beforehand and pretend I am ill to get out of it.
My husband has started putting up Christmas decorations already and planning what we will do on Christmas Day. I have tried to explain that we can't afford to do too much, but he seems determined to enjoy himself whatever. We usually spend a lot of money on presents for everyone, but, I'm sorry, I just can't do that. What can we do?
WA
FIONA SAYS: PLEASE DON'T IGNORE THIS
A lot of people are feeling squeezed by cost of living increases this year – but nothing will be achieved by ignoring it. People who manage debt well, do so by confronting it and being organised. To do this, you need to know exactly what you owe and then prioritise the more urgent bills. If you can't afford to pay it, please don't just ignore it.
Speak to the company and explain that you are having difficulties. There is no shame in this – companies know people are struggling and most will have processes in place to help you at least pay something until things improve.
You could also speak with your bank – most are offering advice and help with these issues.
Then you need to work out exactly what you are spending your money on each month. Once you've done this, you can then look for ways to reduce non-essential expenditure. I am sure you will find areas where you can cut back, even if just a little. For example, you'd be surprised how a takeaway coffee and a Danish pastry each day soon adds up to a sizeable monthly sum.
And if this means just giving small token Christmas presents this year or perhaps a Secret Santa approach so you're only buying for one person each, so be it. Most will be cutting back this year anyway, so you won't be alone.
Please don't take on the responsibility for all this alone, speak to your husband, he needs to face this and engage too. He also needs to understand how worried you are.
Finally, if this whole process seems just too daunting without help, please contact one of the free debt counselling services. Tackle this today and there is no reason why you can't enjoy a happier, less stressful Christmas.
I CAUGHT MY BOYFRIEND IN BED WITH SOMEONE ELSE
A year ago, I moved into my boyfriend's flat. I had been living on my own for some time and it was so good to have someone else around. I was also convinced that he loved me. However, a month ago, he asked me to move out for a while, so he could concentrate on a big work project that was taking up so much of his time.
I was hurt as I was prepared to do everything I could to help him through a stressful time. However, he was adamant that he needed no distractions, so I moved back with my parents for a while.
Then, one day last week after work, I went back to the flat to collect some clothes I had left by mistake in a wardrobe and found him in bed with someone else. I was too stunned to say much, but he got really angry and pushed me up against a wall. He said I had no right to just come back unannounced.
When I finally got it together to blurt out "but I thought you loved me", he told me I was stupid for not realising that it was over between us. I just left and have been crying pretty much ever since.
Despite all this, I still love him. So what can I do to get him back?
SE
FIONA SAYS: YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER
Are you sure you want to? This man has thrown you out of his flat over some contrived idea of needing space to work, told you it is over between you, and called you stupid. Worse – he has got angry and physically assaulted you, which is beyond unacceptable.
What he did was unkind and cowardly, lacking even the courage to tell you to your face that your relationship was over. Given all this, do you really want a relationship with a man who can lie, abuse, and be this disrespectful and unfeeling?
Trying to win him back is only likely to damage your self-respect even more. Just now, your emotions are probably still too raw to think clearly about this, but in time I think you will realise just how badly he has treated you. You don't deserve to have been treated like this – no-one does.
So please, give yourself some time to get over the hurt and I am sure you'll soon find the strength to move on. And once you have, it might be a good idea to look back at what happened and try to identify any issues with this relationship that might have been going wrong for some time. It isn't an easy process, but if you can do it, it might help you in the future.
BREAST CANCER HAS LEFT ME SO SCARED
I got breast cancer earlier this year, which meant I had to have a partial mastectomy and some radiotherapy. My doctor said I was lucky to get a diagnosis at an early stage and, although I will still need radiotherapy, the prognosis is promising.
I don't feel lucky though, I feel terrified. I also feel completely out of my depth most of the time. I don't understand most of what the consultant says, even if he takes the time to simplify it for me, which means I usually end up looking for answers on the internet and scaring myself even more.
Who can I talk to about this?
KH
FIONA SAYS: SUPPORT IS OUT THERE
I am sure this must be a very scary and confusing time for you. Nor are you alone in feeling this way, most people with cancer will experience these emotions at some stage.
It may help future sessions with doctors if you take a companion with you. An extra set of ears may hear things that you miss, or they can take notes for you. As for web based medical information, it's great for some. For others it can simply be a source of yet more confusion and worry, as you've found.
For the moment, I suggest you instead contact Macmillan Cancer Support (macmillan.org.uk). The charity has lots of information about cancer and its treatment but, more importantly, offers you the chance to talk with someone through its free phone and online chat support services.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT COLD SORES?
For the first time this winter, I've got cold sores. They surround my mouth, making it painful to eat and talk. Some days I don't eat at all for fear of breaking open the sores.
My local chemist recommended a cream, but I've used it now for a few weeks and it's not getting rid of them. A friend suggested that putting tea tree oil on them will help. Is she right, or should I see my doctor?
PE
FIONA SAYS: TALK TO YOUR GP
Tea tree oil is one of many natural remedies touted as possibly helpful for cold sores, but you need to be careful about the strength you use.
Nonetheless, I think that perhaps you should see your doctor before trying any alternative remedies.
Cold sores are a viral infection that typically responds well to treatments recommended by pharmacists. As your infection has not and is also affecting your ability to eat, it's possible you may need a stronger medical treatment to help clear it up.
Check in with your GP so they can check what's going on and advise on treatment options.
