I WAS very struck by a Facebook entry over New Year, a video of motivational speaker Simon Sinek giving a talk about teenagers and it was fascinating and alarming. Very much a generalisation but a few big grains of truth.
Sinek is well-known through Technology Entertainment Design conferences (TEDx) and the author of books on leadership and management. His theory concerns the ‘Millennium Generation’. Maybe because of the Troubles here they have been lifted and laid, they have been indulged. In general, he maintains, these youngsters feel they are entitled to the good life, children have been told by teachers and parents that, if they want something enough they will get it.
Of course, they mean if you have focus and are prepared to work you’ve a good chance of achieving. Those who do have focus want to work with a purpose, work with impact, want instant results. But, he adds, for some reason too many are not happy because there’s at least one missing piece. He then breaks this theory down to four suspect elements – parenting, environment, impatience and technology.
:: Take failed parenting strategies
Many children are told they are special, could achieve anything in life if they want it enough, there are no failures even if you come in last you get a medal for competing. Look at the example of big bosses who fail in business or in football and are paid off with a handsome cheque for not for succeeding.
This devalues those who have achieved either in winning on their own or leading a team to success. Sadly, these young people who’ve been promised the Earth at primary and secondary school go on to university or get a job straight from school and suddenly realise they are not special, they can’t have everything and that you don’t get anything for coming in last. They discover their parent’s influence or money can’t buy them success and it’s a hard lesson.
Simon Sinek believes that self-image is shattered and that an entire generation, the Millennium Generation, is growing up with lower self esteem than other generations.
:: Then he tackles technology
Instagram, tweeting, email, Facebook and the rest. You can hide behind these methods of communications; you can tell people life is great even when it’s not; when you feel down and unloved, send out lots of messages saying ‘Hi How You Doing’ and guess what, you’ll get lots of people responding and asking how you are and immediately you feel good because someone cares. And, through no fault of their own, these young people are allowed to inhabit a world of unreality.
Over-engaging with the excitement of social media, he believes, is dangerous because a chemical is released in the body, dopamine, and it gives a high when you get a text and feel good that someone wants to talk to you. Apparently this chemical also promotes the feel-good effect of smoking, taking alcohol, gambling and sex. It’s complex – check it out with an expert.
There are age restrictions on drinking, gambling and smoking but none on social media and so, according to this thesis, an entire generation is addicted to social media. Someone un-friends you and it is traumatic. You don’t get a message for a couple of hours – panic; leave your mobile at home – lost.
He acknowledges that adolescence is a difficult time, moving from the approval of parents to wanting the approval of friends, moving into the ‘wider tribe’ where texting is the way to communicate. Even with older people there’s apparently proof that depression can be the result of long term social-media use – nothing wrong with social media unless it becomes unbalanced.
If you’re sitting in a meeting or at a meal and have your phone on the table beside you, you are sending out the message that you’re not fully concentrating on what’s going on and implying ‘you people aren’t that important to me’. According to Sinek you are addicted.
If you start using your phone before you say hello to anyone in the morning, you are addicted. If the majority of your conversations are conducted by smart phone, or email or iPad rather than in person, if you are turning to a device to communicate, it means you’re not developing mechanisms to cope with stress or making long term and valuable relationships.
:: Now add a sense of impatience
Growing up in an age of instant gratification doesn’t only apply to adolescents. Isn’t it a fact that if any one of us wants to buy something immediately it’s simple to go on Amazon or Ebay and it’s delivered the next day? Want to see the latest film? No need to go to the picture house with friends – just download it. Want a book to read? Who needs a library when you have a Kindle? Want to arrange a financial transaction? You don’t need a bank anymore: just go to online banking or swipe your card. No social interaction.
Isn’t it interesting that the children’s commissioner is now taking an interest in young people and the internet and that some big firms in the United States are talking about limiting personal mobile phone use during working hours, schools are banning them and getting better results in exams and theatres are way ahead – although a lot of punters forget to turn them off!
Question. Could you go out for dinner and leave your phone at home? Not easy. Could you leave your mobile downstairs at night? Could you do without it in a meeting? Instead of a group of people sitting looking down at their screens, you might actually talk to colleagues, get to know them, hear what their life is all about, make lasting friendships.
Are you strong enough to resist or remove the temptation? Am I?
Young people need leadership, encouragement to build skill sets, learn patience and spend time on things that matter like talking, laughing, loving and friendship – without a piece of technology coming between.
