SLEB Safari would like to begin this week by welcoming new reader James Packer who is both Australia's seventh richest person and a winner of the love lottery because he is dating Mariah Carey.
Sleb Safari knows James has been reading this column because how else could he have found out that Mariah had joined match.com?
Mariah only signed up last month so full marks to her for landing a squillionaire before her free trial ran out.
She was fortunate in many ways because she didn’t come across as particularly concerned about the type of man she was looking for, stipulating only that he should be aged between 20 and 120 and between six feet and eight feet 11 inches tall.
In the ‘in her own words’ section of her match.com profile Mariah carefully copied and pasted the lyrics from her own song, Dreamlover, so James has a lot to live up to.
The brand spanking new couple are holidaying in Europe, mainly on a boat off Capri as far as Sleb Safari's celebrity geo tracking device can ascertain.
Just the other night James threw a party for Mimi on board his $50 million super yacht and rather than bother hiring a DJ or even putting his iPod on shuffle James whacked on one of Mariah’s CDs.
Do you think if EL James’s husband were to throw a surprise party for her he’d read excerpts from Fifty Shades to guests?
Mariah’s children are with her on this loveboat and they’re all having a whale of a time, swimming in the sea, jet skiing, burying their bodyguards in the sand and the like.
It’s been interesting to see Mariah’s cruise/family holiday/first romantication-with-a-new-squeeze wardrobe.
As you’d expect, tricked out bikinis are the core of this capsule wardrobe and they’re worn under an unzipped, too-small wetsuit or evening dress, whatever the occasion demands.
Sleb Safari is au fait with Mariah’s wardrobe thanks to her Instagram pictures as well as those of Packers’ ex-wife who is also spending some time on this romantic Mediterranean cruise for extended friends and family and sharing her holiday snaps on social media.
If this Carey/Packer relationship runs the distance Sleb Safari had better be asked to sing at the wedding since it brought the couple together. If that's a stretch then it would settle for a duet with Mariah or the position of flower girl, but it draws the line at having to wear a tricked out bikini.
COMPETITION TIME
SLEB Safari has a humdinger of a prize for you this week. The RSPB's Big Wild Sleepout is happening next month and Sleb Safari has a family ticket for two adults and two children plus a whole lotta camping equipment to give away.
The prize is worth £500 and includes a Vango family tent, four Ayacucho sleeping bags, four Multimat roll mats, a Trangia cooker and Black Diamond head torch – all courtesy of Cotswold Outdoor.
RSPB will have the prize ready and waiting for you at whichever one of the three sleep outs you wish to attend. The sleep outs are at the Ulster Folk and Transport Museum in Cultra on July 24 and 25 and the Ulster American Folk Park in Omagh on August 8.
Last year almost 600 people pitched their tents under the stars and enjoyed activities such as bat detecting and bushcrafts before indulging in marshmallow toasting and storytelling around the camp fire.
Tickets start at £18 for adults and £13 for children, with a 10 per cent discount for RSPB members, and the Big Wild Sleepout is suitable for experienced and amateur campers alike
Tickets are available online at www.sleepoutcultra.eventbrite.co.uk or www.sleepoutomagh.eventbrite.co.uk. or by calling the RSPB on 028 9049 1547 and once you have bought your ticket you can avail of a 15 per cent discount at Cotswold Outdoor on Boucher Road and Castle Lane in Belfast.
All proceeds will help to give nature a home in Northern Ireland. Visit www.rspb.org.uk/homes for more information.
To enter the competition answer the following correctly: What does RSPB stand for?
Email your answer to competitions@irishnews.com by noon on Wednesday July 1 and mark it 'Sleb Safari/RSPB competition'. Usual Irish News rules apply. Please include your contact details.
HILARIA'S REAL POST-BABY BODY
UNTIL now Hilaria Baldwin has not been Sleb Safari's cup of tea due to the endless chronicling of her pregnancies through the medium of selfies taken in her underwear in her bathroom.
The thing that changed Sleb Safari's opinion was Hilaria's decision to show off her post-baby body. Her real post-baby body. It takes courage to do that so Sleb Safari tips its hat to her.
SOCIAL MEDIA WATCH
Seth MacFarlane has a movie coming out...
If you don’t go see Ted 2 on June 26, you won’t understand the jokes in all the Tinder profiles on June 27.
— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) June 21, 2015
