RUNNING clotheslines, spinning suplexes, forearm smashes and figure-four leg locks will be standard fare this weekend.
For a man whose day job sees him specialise in the field of dispute resolution, getting to watch from the sidelines - foam finger in the air - as the trash talking and top turnbuckle action unfolds will probably provide something of a release for Cahal Carvill.
“There’s Derek Redemption, Nathan Curry’s alter-ego Taz will be featuring, The Three Amigos will be coming up against Hot Rod: The American Idols, we have Kid Gorgeous. Some of the storylines are fantastic, so it should be a bit of craic...”
The unusual Middletown club fundraiser, which takes place at the Armagh City Hotel on Saturday night, has certainly got tongues wagging. And while there may not be just as much wrestling on show at the Athletic Grounds less than 24 hours later when Armagh begin their National League 2B campaign against Down, the opportunity to write a new storyline is driving the Orchard men on in 2016.
Roving forward Carvill modestly decided against dusting down that old tub of fake tan and somersaulting the ropes on Saturday night - “to be honest, they couldn’t get anyone who was willing to go against me” - but will be more than ready by the time the sliotar is thrown in on Sunday. A loyal footsoldier in the Armagh cause for the past decade, the 28-year-old has reluctantly accepted his veteran status in a youthful Orchard outfit.
Along with fellow stalwarts like Ryan Gaffney, Ciaran Clifford and Declan Coulter, Carvill is one of the men the newer faces on the panel look to when the going gets tough - and it has seldom been any tougher than the days and weeks after a cruel end to last season.
Two points ahead with a minute left on the clock, Sylvester McConnell’s men looked to be on their way to winning a third Nicky Rackard Cup in six years. Within seconds, though, their world was turned upside down. Down to 14 men, Roscommon’s Jionni Coyne embarked on one final, lung-busting run towards the Armagh goal in a bid to salvage something, anything.
He was felled 25 metres out and up stepped Rossies captain Micheal Kelly to bury the free to the net and, in the process, bury Armagh’s dreams of a return to the promised land of Christy Ring hurling for another year. It was one of the toughest moments of Carvill’s career but, seven months on, he adopts a philosophical approach.
“It was very difficult at the time and it wasn’t the way we wanted to end the year. Sport can be cruel, but we took it on the chin,” he said.
“Those defeats fuel you during the pre-season runs and the gym work, it makes you determined that the same thing won’t happen again this year. The challenge for us is to rectify that and, for the likes of myself who have been around a few years, that’s what’s driving us on.”
The slog of pre-season, getting those miles into the legs, never gets any easier. But with Cork dual star Eoin Cadogan organising their strength and conditioning programmes, the Orchard men are seeing results.
Living and working in Belfast, Carvill - a solicitor with leading law firm Arthur Cox - is clocking up the miles off the field as well as on it. During the off-season every year, he weighs up whether or not he has it in the tank to go again. He didn’t even need to ask the question this year.
With the nature of the Nicky Rackard final defeat and missing out on a promotion play-off on goal difference, Armagh could count themselves unlucky. The bottom line for Carvill, though, is that they didn’t achieve what they wanted to achieve.
“I’d maybe be a bit over-critical and I would feel that, although we did well in the league and finished joint second and had some good performances, we want to be winning the league," he said.
“That’s where we see ourselves this year and we’re relishing the challenge.”
That sort of introspection has been with Cahal Carvill since he first pulled on the orange jersey as a fresh-faced 18-year-old: “I was always very outspoken on the team,” he said.
“From where things were when I started to where we are now, Armagh hurling is in a much better place. We’ve reached an Ulster final, beaten Christy Ring teams, won Nicky Rackards, so progress has been made.
“When you’re one of the oul boys, as I’m regularly referred to, you feel an added impetus to be at training and push the guys on. On the field when things are tight, the younger guys will look to the older players for a bit of leadership. We’re fortunate we do have a lot of leaders in the team and I’d like to think I’m one of those.”
Saturday night’s show may come as a welcome distraction and, barring any sharpshooter or Rock Bottom-related injuries, Armagh will be going into Sunday’s game against the Ards men fit and ready to rumble.
“I’d hate to shatter people’s illusions, but wrestling’s not actually real,” he said with a laugh.
“That would probably be the one of the stranger injuries if anything did happen, but we’ve spoken to the guys and there’s only really one fella wrestling who will be playing on Sunday, so we’ll make sure nothing happens.
“That’ll be a good laugh I’m sure, but everybody’s really looking forward to the Down game. At this stage, you’re in pre-season and you’re slogging your guts out, but our aim is February 14. Personally, I can’t wait and I know the rest of the boys are raring to go.”
LOOK OUT FOR
With all the stalwarts who have fought the good fight for Armagh through the years back for another crack in 2016, Sylvester McConnell has a fairly settled panel.
However, he and his backroom team of Gabriel O’Kane, John Crossey and Ciaran Nugent have also kept their eyes open for emerging talent within the county to push the established players on.
Wing half-back Cormac Toner is no novice, but he came in during January’s Conor McGurk Cup and performed well, scoring three points against Ulster University. The Cuchullain’s man is a strong, powerful presence on the field and could well have earned himself a starting berth against Down on Sunday.
Naturally, there was plenty of experimentation during the McGurk Cup but, in the acid test against Antrim, Middletown half-back Tiarnan Nevin and Derrynoose wing half-forward Peter McKearney both excelled. They could have big futures in the orange jersey.
Keady midfielder James King has come back into the fold this year and could push a spot in the first 15, while Derrynoose’s Stephen Keenan did his chances no harm in January with some decent showings at half-forward.
McConnell also had a look at a handful of players who were involved with the county minors last year, including goalkeeper Conleth Lavery, half-forward Michael Doran (Sean Treacy’s, Lurgan) and former minor captain Aaron Fox (Derrynoose).
VERDICT
Armagh find themselves in exactly the same boat as 12 months ago - still in Division 2B and still determined to reach the holy grail of Christy Ring hurling.
When he took over the reins from John Lennon, Sylvester McConnell wanted the Orchard men to show they could mix it with the Christy Ring counties. They suffered defeat to Down and Kildare, but victories over Mayo and 2015 Christy Ring Cup quarter-finalists Meath - both away from home - showed Armagh were moving in the right direction. They finished the league campaign joint-second on score difference with Meath and Down, but went into the Nicky Rackard Cup buoyed by those wins in Trim and Castlebar.
Winners of the Nicky Rackard Cup in 2010 and '12, Armagh were among the favourites from the outset. With two minutes to go in the final against Roscommon, this looked entirely justified as they held a two-point lead and looked to have one hand on the trophy. Rossies captain Micheal Kelly had other ideas though, as his injury-time free sent the Cup out west instead of back to Ulster.
A defeat like that can affect a group of players in two ways - it can rip the heart out of them or it can drive them on to right past wrongs. For Armagh, it appears to be the latter, as Cahal Carvill explained, the painful memories of that defeat were fuel for the soul during the depths of pre-season.
As was the case last year, they start their league campaign on Sunday against Down, managed by former Orchard boss Michael Johnston. In 2015, they lost by seven points in Ballycran - avoiding defeat at the Athletic Grounds would set them off on the right footing and, with two of their remaining four games also at home (against Meath and Mayo), they could well force themselves into the promotion picture.
2015 RESULTS
NHL Division 2B: Down 1-13 Armagh 0-9; Armagh 1-18 Donegal 2-10; Kildare 3-23 Armagh 3-14; Armagh 1-17 Meath 1-15; Mayo 0-10 Armagh 0-23
Nicky Rackard Cup round one: Armagh 2-16 Louth 2-11; round 2A: Tyrone 0-20 Armagh 3-17; semi-final: Armagh 1-19 Donegal 1-12; final: Roscommon 2-12 Armagh 1-14
Ulster SHC quarter-final: Armagh 3-14 Down 5-20
2016 FIXTURES
NHL Division 2B: Armagh v Down (Sunday, February 14, 2pm, Athletic Grounds); Donegal v Armagh (Sunday, February 21, 2pm, Letterkenny); Wicklow v Armagh (Sunday, March 6, 12.45pm, Aughrim); Armagh v Meath (Sunday, March 13, 12.45pm, Athletic Grounds); Armagh v Mayo (Sunday, March 20, 2pm, Athletic Grounds)
Nicky Rackard Cup round one: Armagh v Donegal (Saturday, April 23)
Ulster SHC semi-final: Down v Armagh (Sunday, June 19)
