The celebrity stork has delivered a baby boy to Paris Hilton and her twin flame Carter Reum - and taken a photo of the newborn on the doorstep as mandated by its employer. While baby wear designers are rejoicing and sketching, sketching and rejoicing, Sleb Safari is waiting (im)patiently to learn whether Paris has bestowed on this little scrap of gorgeousness the name London, as per her 2021 interview with Tatler magazine.
Paris, hotel heiress, Chihuahua collector, DJ, model, socialite, reality TV star and wearer of fingerless gloves, told Tatler that when she became a mum she would call that baby after the English capital because “London is my favourite city in the world”. Just wait ’til she visits Lisburn.
Paris and Carter are individually wealthy and collectively filthy rich and this baby boy is going to have diamonds on the soles of his shoes. Paris will also move heaven and earth for the ones she loves so baby ‘London’ is in good hands. Last September one of her dogs went missing and Paris did everything in her power to find Diamond Baby, even hiring a “pet detective, a dog whisperer, a pet psychic”. Sleb Safari wouldn’t want to disrespect anyone but is that one person or three different people?
Paris’ dogs live in a two-storey home with a pool view so the new baby’s quarters are going to be epic. She could consult Kylie Jenner whose baby pad sounds like the sort of crib any of us would happily move into. A source/talking Teddy bear told Closer magazine that baby Aire has a four-person childcare team plus “a team to curate his wardrobe” plus a masseuse and a driver for when he fancies a Starbucks and his mum isn’t free to take him.
Aire is also enjoying a baby spa “equipped with three beautiful pools heated to the ideal temperature for newborns, and various flotation devices, as well as a massage station, a mini Reiki studio for daily sessions and a feeding room decked out with surround sound”.
The talking Teddy also peeked into the playroom and spotted a bookcase with 600 children’s books, a 34-foot-wide cinema screen and popcorn machines.
We have yet to hear what Teddy saw on Christmas morning but can you imagine?
When W magazine visited Paris’ home a few years ago it described walls festooned with iconography of the homeowner plus a lifesize cardboard cut-out of her in the dining room. It is Sleb Safari’s hope that Paris has not recycled her cardboard self because once baby London is old enough it can be put to use as a very special, very Paris, version of elf on a shelf. Baby London and future baby Lisburn will love it; scout’s honour.
Channing Tatum wants to remake Ghost
SLEB Safari greets you this week gently crooning “Whoa, my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch, a long, lonely time” but there’s nothing to fear because this serenade is inspired by news that a remake of the film Ghost is on the cards.
Fans of nocturnal pottery free wheeling will be thrilled to know that Channing Tatum’s production company is working on a remake and he will potentially play the Patrick Swayze role. While he’s at it, Channing might as well go ahead and remake Dirty Dancing and play Johnny Castle.
Mr Blobby was up for sale
Someone has just spent the best £612 of their life - not on a sliver of a house or something boring like that, they’ve spent it on an original Mr Blobby outfit.
You remember Mr Blobby, that rotund pink and yellow polka dotted demolition machine from Noel Edmonds’ House Party?
The outfit wasn’t in great nick, the seller warned, “the two arms require re-attaching to the body, one of the plastic eyes is cracked, and the bow-tie will need securing”. Sounds like Mr Blobby alright.
If Monday is already weighing you down, do yourself a kindness and hop onto YouTube to watch Mr Blobby meeting Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping Up Appearances. And then you’ll wish someone you knew had bought that outfit.
