WHEN my grandson was about eight, we were sharing some up close and personal time together.
“What age are you Granny?” he asked. I pointed out that a gentleman never asks a lady her age. That didn’t wash. “You know we don’t have any secrets. What age are you?” My protests didn’t make any difference. Then the penny dropped. “Are you worried that I’m so old I might die?”
That’s what it was all about; he, like me at his age, was frightened that his beloved grandmother would leave him. It was a wonderful opportunity to talk about death, to assure him I had no intensions of dying anyway soon but it wasn’t up to me and anyway even if I wasn’t around I would never leave him. That did the trick. That was 14 years ago and we’re still together and close as ever.
Children’s emotions don’t always come to the surface like that. They can fester inside a little head and heart and the result can be a child going through difficulties which appear to be destructive, sullen or challenging behaviour.
Now along comes Ollie and his Superpowers. Ollie is an imaginary seven-year-old boy from a single-parent family. This doll is the brain child of Alison Knowles, a therapist in England who initially worked with adults. But as parents started bringing children to her she realised her jargon was far from suitable so she created a new language and a special way to use it.
“I’d acknowledge the child but talk to Ollie who actually had the same issues as the little boy or girl.”
She’d get the help she was offering Ollie all wrong and, just as she thought would happen, the child suddenly got involved and told her what would or wouldn’t work for Ollie. This broke down barriers and the two formed a relationship where they could talk to each other about the most intimate concerns without embarrassment.
It could take time but Alison discovered it worked. She would then tackle emotions, Ollie had them all: anger, happiness, sadness, fears... She made them visual, asking the child to draw their anger, for instance, and so a discussion would begin using Ollie’s superpower of learning to manage.
:: Alison’s theories are fascinating
She was so successful that there came a time when she couldn’t cope with demand so she wrote four books about Ollie for parents and then trained coaches to work all over the UK, including here in Northern Ireland.
Avril Annett from Co Down became the first coach in Ireland in May 2019. She worked as a mental health nurse, has four grown-up children and a grandson who is five. Her youngest child was unhappy and anxious and had numerous suspensions from school for so-called bad behaviour.
“It was years before she received a diagnosis of Asperger’s. She wasn’t a bad child – I believe there is no such thing as a bad child. Like all children, she just needed to be understood.”
Moya Laird is our other Ollie coach, also from Co Down. She has two grown-up children and three grandchildren and spent 20 years as a special-needs classroom assistant and has been a holistic therapist for 10 years.
“Through Ollie and his Superpowers I now have the tools to empower not only our children and young people but their families too,” she says.
They both work with children whose parents don’t fully understand their child’s challenging behaviour.
One little boy of nine was uncontrollable coming up to his return to school. With patience and understanding Avril built up a rapport with the boy, drew what his worries looked like, made up rhymes to help when these emotions began to take over.
It took time but eventually the truth came out: the child was frightened; pressure in the classroom and bullying were hard for him to cope with. However, with her training and experience Avril was able to dilute the strength of the fear and, as his mother was sitting in on the Zoom meeting, she too learned how to support him and manage her son’s emotions. Successful result.
Usually it’s face-to-face meetings but with the Covid situation it has to be Zoom, although children appear to like this and to them it's a natural way of communicating.
Moya visualises dealing with situations where children are covering up deep and troubling thoughts as a caterpillar gradually emerging as a butterfly in a process that is totally confidential and gentle. It might be using blocks of different colours – one colour for each emotion and so on – concentrating on each concern and dealing with it before moving on.
Where necessary the parents will be advised of other specific professional organisations.
“If the child doesn’t want to talk that’s fine,” Moya tells me. “It might be a 10-minute meeting over a few sessions until trust has been built up. Some might be shy and hide behind the peak of a base ball cap or keep looking down at a book on their knee but gradually they begin to take an interest and make eye contact then we form a relationship.”
:: Fear takes many forms
It transpired that one ‘naughty’ little girl who was being truculent actually was very frightened that Santa Claus might get Covid and not be able to bring presents to boys and girls this Christmas; a five-year-old wanted Santa to give his magic to everyone to “fix the virus and make everyone safe”.
One thing is for sure, little minds work in mysterious ways and to have qualified, caring coaches to tease out the underlying fear is a welcome service.
Moya has a lovely way of putting it: “It’s like the branches of a tree, every one is important to investigate, until you come to the trunk, where the issues are becoming obvious and then drilling down into the roots to fully understand.”
:: Hour-long sessions cost £80 and group sessions can be arranged. Details at www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com
