Q: MY 14-year-old son spends way too much time on his phone or gaming, and he's been even worse during lockdown. How can I get him to reduce the time he spends on a screen, both now and after lockdown ends, without causing an argument?
A: Psychologist Brad Marshall, aka the Unplugged Psychologist, is director of the Internet Addiction Clinic in Sydney, Australia, and author of The Tech Diet for Your Child and Teen .
He says: "Many teenagers are able to moderate their own screen time. Some are not. This can lead to endless arguments when they tell you (with good intentions) they'll get off or limit themselves in future but can't follow through.
"One of the reasons is the area of the brain responsible for things like impulse control and emotional control is underdeveloped in the teenage years. With that in mind, many teens require boundaries. Will it cause arguments? Yes, sometimes. But it's necessary for us as parents to guide them.
"Now, let's address the question on every parent's mind – how do you do this during the Covid-19 lockdown? The simple answer is, it's possible but absolutely more difficult. As parents we need to rejig our own expectations about 'good parenting' during this period and throw away the idealistic perfect parent image we all strive for.
"In practical terms, that means emphasising using screen time as a reward for two main areas that will get your teenager through this crisis with their mental health intact. First, maintaining a relatively normal sleep schedule. Second, encouraging some off-screen time and exercise where possible. I understand the usual football matches with mates aren't possible, but parents can get creative with exercise that's viable given the restrictions.
"I don't recommend parents getting into arguments about every tiny little thing during lockdown. Keep the bigger picture in mind. Preserve your teen's sleep, off-screen time and exercise to give them the best shot at bouncing back once this is all over.
"One thing I've observed in my internet addiction clinic is a pattern of increased conflict when a parent tries to physically remove a device from a teenager. It feels intrusive to a teenager and they are more likely to escalate.
"One of many strategies is to take control of the home WiFi (and mobile smartphone data) and place reasonable limits on it. If the home WiFi is programmed to go on and off at certain periods of the day (for example around bedtime) this is a boundary that's enforced at arm's-length.
"Will your teenager love that? No! But it's less likely to get heated. In order to practically implement that you might need help from an IT expert, as some modems allow this easily and with others you need the skills of an expert.
"Another strategy for teenagers is to play down the argument about limiting screen time and play up the need for balance in other activities like sport, school, family outdoor activities, or even a part-time job. All these activities will require them to naturally take a break from gaming or their phone without naming that as the primary goal."
:: The Tech Diet for Your Child and Teen by Brad Marshall is published by Harper Collins, £14.99
