THE chorister suddenly informed me he was becoming a man as his voice was breaking: in reality he was coming down with a cold. I explained that manhood at 11 was very unlikely and that becoming a man wouldn't happen for a while yet.
Not content, he asked "what's a mid-life crisis?". I checked my rear view mirror to make sure he wasn't reading from a script given to him by his mother, then explained it referred to people who found it hard to accept they were getting older and did silly things like buying sports cars to make themselves feel young.
There was a short silence as he digested this. He's a particularly ruminative child, unwilling to accept an answer he doesn't understand. My explanation obviously passed muster, so he followed up with a question which almost stumped me:
"Daddy, what is a man?".
Secretly, this is the question every father waits for his son to ask. We have our little speech rehearsed years in advance, not wanting our sons to fall prey to the macho nonsense we were fed as children. Lies such as 'real men' don't cry, or show emotion or ever back down, 'real men' don't apologise but fight, all that waffle.
For my generation, John Wayne embodied the masculine archetype. He had it all, the size, the charisma, the ability to lay a man out as easily with a barbed quip as gun or fists.
For me, his role in The Quiet Man embodied all these qualities in perfect balance. Whether he was pulling Maureen O'Hara in for a passionate kiss or beating the life out of her arrogant brother, surely this was what a man should be.
Thankfully, I've lived long enough to realise this was a caricature and that masculinity is much more complex.
So, taking a deep breath, I began: "Well son, a man is someone who doesn't run from responsibility, a man works to support himself and his family, even if that means working a job he doesn't like.
"A man isn't afraid of emotion, he isn't embarrassed to cry as easily as he laughs. When it comes to girlfriends, a man knows to reverse the word, putting the friend before the girl, that way he never loses sight of what's really important.
"A man isn't so proud he needs to always be right, yet is humble enough to apologise when, and not if, he's wrong. A man doesn't need to be the centre of attention nor the loudest person in the room: with nothing to prove, he can relax and be himself.
"When it comes to drink and drugs, a man creates a life so full of meaning he feels no need to escape it. A man always walks away from violence, unless he's defending those who can't defend themselves.
"A man knows money is a tool and not to be sought for its own sake. A man listens more than talks, and is always open to learning something new. A man never denigrates another man's beliefs nor feels the need to impose his on others.
"But most of all, a man is defined by what he loves, not what he owns, nor knows."
I was expecting a round of applause, and when it didn't come I presumed my son was dumbstruck by the weight of wisdom I'd landed on him.
I looked in the mirror again, expecting to see him staring teary-eyed and open mouthed at me, his sage.
Sadly, he was wearing his headphones, having plugged himself into Fortnite on his computer – I could have been hitting him on the head with a hammer and he wouldn't have noticed.
Just right too: I mean, I never listened to the good advice my father gave me. What I did notice was how my father lived, the fact he always worked, sometimes at jobs he didn't like.
Words are cheap and easily ignored – example is what children notice and remember. So, the man my son grows up to be will be down not to what I say or think, but what I do.
I know this too: my son has a sweet nature, he's kind and thoughtful and he'll probably teach me much more than I could ever teach him.
