Sleb Safari: This is who we want to see on Strictly
YOU find Sleb Safari today wearing leg warmers, neon leggings, a belted leotard and towelling headband, with one heel resting on the windowsill while it stretches over this extended leg and imagines how different life would have been if it had not quit ballet at age four.
Yes, Sleb Safari’s mind is on Strictly Come Dancing and the contestants who must surely also be mid stretch, making sure they’re in shape when the show starts in September.
As of yet the official line-up hasn’t been announced but there are enough rumours swirling around to keep us interested.
Anneka Rice’s name has been floated for what must be the 10th time. Surely if Anneka wanted a chance to swipe the glitterball trophy she’d have taken it by now. Sleb Safari will not be adding Anneka to its SCD shortlist. No offence Anneka.
Jessica Ennis-Hill is also in the mix and Sleb Safari would love to see her on the dancefloor. She says she has been approached by the Strictly headhunters “a few times” but has politely declined. Come on Jessica. If you can win Olympic gold in an event that has seven disciplines you can stand on Anton’s toes as he waltzes you around the floor.
The formidable Professor Alice Roberts has been shortlisted twice but as of yet has not been formally dunked in a vat of fake tan and introduced to Bruno.
The prof says she’d “do it like a shot”.
"It’s all incredibly secret. The first time, I met a producer who quizzed me about my dance prowess, which is zero. I failed Grade One ballet, which I don’t think anyone else ever has. The second time my agent was simply told I was shortlisted. So excited each time. But then… no. Devastating.”
Shayne Ward’s name is being bandied around and you have to admit he ticks all the boxes – reality star, pop star, soap star.
Another rumoured contender is former Love Islander Montana Brown. We’ve reached that point when there are enough Love Islanders to merit a Strictly slot, haven’t we? Sad times.
And last but by no means least there’s Les Dennis and Chris Kamara who’d discover than you have to train as hard for Strictly as you do for Ninja Warrior.
You know what though? That’s a pretty tame line-up. Sleb Safari has far better suggestions. The Strictly bosses need to get Aisling and Danielle from Can’t Cope Won’t Cope to sign on the dotted line and be done with it. And they should throw TaxiGood into the mix too. He’s a legend.
And how about Sr Michael from Derry Girls, in character. Imagine her rolling her eyes and saying “Dose” under her breath whenever Craig says anything, anything at all.
Sleb Safari suspects Sr Michael would be a demon on the dancefloor with Samba rolls that would turn a man’s head.
Come on Strictly bosses, you know what you need to do.
This Bear Had A Much Better Day Than You
AND so to California where a bear has enjoyed the kind of afternoon you daydream about when you’re stuck at work.
The bear climbed over the fence and into the back garden of the Hough family who hopped out of their hot tub and scampered back into the house.
Buddy the bear then had a splash in the tub, knocked over a couple of margaritas, lapped them up and then crashed in the bushes for a nap.
Now there’s a bear who’s living its best life. Jealous much?
Jeffrey Dean Morgan Doesn't Want To See You At His Home
JEFFREY Dean Morgan, bearded sex bomb and Denny Duquette in Grey’s Anatomy, has issued a warning to the weirdo fans who ring his doorbell.
“Dear people that think it’s a solid plan to come to our house, take pictures, drive up to house, knock on door… it’s not a good plan. It’s rude and creepy. Respect our privacy please. And… you’re being recorded,” he tweeted.
Sleb Safari can’t think of anything more invasive – and frightening – than a stranger who has at best a crush, at worse, an obsession, arriving at your front door.
What kind of reception do these people think they’ll get? Do they think they’ll be invited in, given a cup of tea and asked to stay for dinner? Have a titter of wit.
Peak Jason Statham
Was ever there a more Jason Statham movie poster?