Sleb Safari: Gemma Collins could have fallen into Strictly Come Dancing
IT’S a terrible feeling when something awful befalls a titan of the entertainment industry.
First there’s shock; followed by sympathy (‘poor them; how awful; so young’) and then the selfish, but very human, ‘if it happened to them it could happen to me’.
And so the general public and particularly the people of Essex ran the gauntlet of emotion when TOWIE icon Gemma Collins fell through a trap door at the BBC Radio 1 Teen Awards show.
Did Gemma’s parents not allow her to watch The Trap Door when she was a child?
The GC was twirling around on stage after announcing Love Island had won best TV show when the trap door opened and she tumbled in. To be fair, the fact Love Island had won was nearly as big a shock to Sleb Safari as Gemma’s tumble.
The gaping hole that appeared was to allow three Love Island cast members to rise on a platform from below the stage but Gemma nearly wiped them out before they got their moment in the sun. It’s no wonder she’s the queen of memes.
Gemma took it in her stride. For a while. She tweeted: “Madonna done it and I done it. When I tell you I’m Bridget Jones in an Essex girl, it’s finally confirmed. Best and worse moment for me.”
She even shared a clip of her tumble set to the music from Titanic and lolled along with everyone.
The morning after she told ITV’s This Morning "I have to say I've found the whole thing absolutely hilarious. But I'm in a bit of pain this morning, I'm not going to lie."
Then she got philosophical. "The seriousness of it is, it could have been really fatal,” she said.
Sleb Safari awaits confirmation from the British Medical Association whether “really fatal” is clinically worse than “fatal”.
“What people don't see is that under there there's loads of machinery going on. The three Love Island guys were coming up on to the stage and I just want to apologise because I wiped them out – they had to go see paramedics after."
And then it got dark, so dark. There’s been talk of lawyers, of failings on the part of the BBC to send flowers and a get-well-soon-stay-away-from-that-trapdoor card. All sorts. It went from "I've got to consult a lawyer. The BBC, they've not been in touch with any compensation or anything – or even an apology" to “I’m not allowed to talk about it”.
Radio 1 says she was given a full briefing before going on stage.
There’s only one way this can be resolved out of court and it’s a win-win for everyone. Put the GC on Strictly next year. You know it makes sense.
Madonna wins the style war
CAN we take a minute to appreciate Madonna’s outfit?
It’s a technicolor extravaganza of a trouser suit with jumbo wide legs. Madonna is wearing it with what looks like a top made from bubble wrap that has the word Love attached to it in huge coiling letters. Sleb Safari loves it so much.
Madonna was wearing it because she was in Rio where her friend and manager Guy Oseary and his wife Michelle, who is a model, were renewing their vows.
The other guests made an effort, Sleb Safari checked their Instagrams to be sure, but Madonna won hands down.
Mark Wahlberg seeks forgiveness for Boogie Nights
MARK Wahlberg has been sharing his deep and darks in a q&a with a cardinal in Chicago and it’s all very serious.
Mark has sought forgiveness for Boogie Nights, the film in which he played porn star Dirk Digger.
"I just always hope that God is a movie fan and also forgiving, because I've made some poor choices in my past," he told Chicago Inc.
It was bad Mark, but it wasn’t that bad. And anyway God’s a busy woman, she doesn’t have time to sit down to watch Boogie Nights and grant a pardon. You’ll just have to get over it. Anyway, you’ve done worse. Daddy’s Home was a travesty.
Mark also told the audience that he goes to bed at 7.30pm.
Seriously, no-one goes to bed at 7.30pm unless they’re a shift worker or have had a really, really bad day at work. His children must be up later than he is. Come on Mark, give yourself a shake.
Social Media Smut
Well played Blake Lively, well played