THE much heralded MTV music concert in Derry last month resulted in near hysteria, with dozens of young people being treated in hospital for an over indulgence in alcohol and drugs, some apparently as young at 12 or 13. Will they learn from the experience? Is there a pattern emerging?
Recently Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn criticised companies whose work ethic encourages "early evening socialisation" by staff and this was echoed by a young man I talked to recently, not concerning himself but his partner.
“It was just a social thing at first, a few drinks after work before driving home, dangerous but, she said, ‘I only had a couple.’”
Dangerous in so many ways. The impact on safety, on family and on the person herself, physically, mentally and emotionally – and her partner.
Similar story for Joan – not her real name.
“We used to sit watching television when the kids had gone to bed, then he had a glass of wine instead of a cup of tea in the evening. Soon he was coming home late and smelling of drink. I asked but I was told not to be silly, he’d just gone with the boys for a quick one after work. I began to get scared.”
Typical stories, be it a man, woman or child discovering the painful fact that someone they care about is an alcoholic – and that’s where the organisation Al-Anon comes into the picture to offer help in a practical way.
It’s a bit of a mystery to me why some people can tolerate alcohol and some people can’t. Is it an addiction or an allergy? Is it to cover low self-esteem?Whatever, it’s a fearful situation for those who love them but do they know help is at hand? Sound knowledgable support at the end of a telephone.
Al-Anon is an organisation run by volunteers with one thing in common: they have personal experience dealing with an alcoholic they care about. When someone else’s drinking effects your life, love can turn to hate, bring you to the depths of despair, affect you financially, lead to violence, make you doubt your own sanity until you think that you are the problem and so guilt sets in.
Joan told me that although she knew her husband was drinking, she ignored it, didn’t discuss it, then eventually asked him to ease up but he continued to deny he had a problem.
“It was effecting our family life yet I decided not to tell the children although I realised later that they knew all the time. He became a secret drinker; he’d get up early in the morning and get a drink and it went on all day at work
"He knew I checked on him but there was nothing I could do. I challenged him and he laughed, told me to mind my own business and it ended in row after row. I’d beg him not to go out in the evening; I even ran up the road after him but he just shrugged me off and walked on. I was ashamed.”
There are many examples. The elderly lady suspicious when the level in the whiskey bottle remained the same despite him having a little dram now and again. Then she discovered he was topping up the bottle with ginger ale but had other supplies stashed away.
He would go out for cigarettes and take the grandchild but was actually going to the off-licence or taking a dash into a bar regardless of the child’s safety.
Of course, it’s not only men. Because more young women are working now, with lunchtime meetings and gathering in bars after work, they are drinking more than ever and bringing the habit home, with disastrous results.
Where once a woman would have sipped a Babycham, now it’s wine and spirits. Teenagers are spending long hours in clubs where there is no restriction on what they drink. Whereas in a pub if a customer gets really drunk the barman will stop serving and send them home, in these clubs children can drink themselves into oblivion – shots at under £1 sound attractive but do untold damage.
It strikes me this ready availability of alcohol is criminal. I wish it was criminal, having seen these children wandering around Belfast, some with bare feet and no coats because their possessions are being held in the club after they have been ejected for being drunk. Something’s wrong and it’s breeding another generation of alcoholics and parents are often helpless to do anything.
On the other hand, it’s sad that young people are calling Al-Anon to get advice about their parents' drinking habits. There is even a helpline for those concerned with teenager drinkers.
Alcohol is still the biggest drug but other drugs go hand-in-hand with alcohol so we have a serious situation.
How will Al-Anon help?
Ring a local number and get a local person. Staff and volunteers have one thing in common: they know what it’s like to live with an alcoholic. It’s a confidential listening service; usually the caller just wants to unload their worries and fears, describing their lives with a partner, a family member or a friend who has an addiction to alcohol. However, Al-Anon focuses on the caller themselves, helping them learn how to live with the problem and make decisions.
A volunteer will listen, talk through the 12-step programme and recommend a local meeting place where there is support by sharing with members and confiding in a ‘sponsor’, a person who knows the ropes.
Nothing will surprise them so, given the courage, the new member can be totally honest without feeling a guilt for letting their loved one down. There are 58 regular meetings across Northern Ireland there are also meetings in the Republic. The local information centre offers 24-hour phone contact.
Al-Anon and Alateen Helpline is 028 9068 2368. Details at Al-Anon Information Centre Northern Ireland.
