MIND
matters
NEXT Thursday, November 20, is Transgender Day of Remembrance, a global event to mark the tragic loss of life through hate crime and suicide of people around the world who identify under the umbrella term of Transgender.
Sail is a family gender-support organisation that works with families to help them navigate the journey of gender identity - a path people are often left walking alone.
If you are a parent or care giver you will know that it can be a tough role. Every day may bring beautiful rewards or tough challenges. There are good days and bad days and you do your best for your children because above all else you want them to be happy. You want them to feel loved and have dreams for their future, dreams that you will encourage and support.
But what if your child had a secret? What if you had a little boy, so troubled by some deep concern that when he came to you, you could feel his uncertainty, his fear? You might rehearse the upcoming conversation in your head: "It's OK, sweetheart. It's all right. Whatever it is, you can tell Mummy."
Quietly you may be hoping that 'the secret' will involve a minor breaking of a rule or maybe just a broken toy. Because before your child speaks you know whatever is said next, you will fix it. You will sooth this troubled mind because you are a parent and that is your job. Kiss, sooth, console, fix.
So, what if your infant son climbs up on to your knee and, with the courage and honesty that only the truth can carry, tells you: "I have a little girls's heart." What do you say to a boy with a little girl's heart or a little girl who insists she has a boy's brain? What do you as a parent promise your child? Support, love, understanding, help?
Where do you go when your child keeps insisting "I am not a boy; I am a girl," or, "I am not a girl; I am a boy"? Everywhere you look the message is clear - this cannot happen. But it does happen. It may be happening in your home or the home next door, perhaps across your street or in a nearby town. Perhaps you are sitting in your living room right now or standing in your kitchen weighed down by the enormity of this secret and feeling alone. Gender Identity. Transgender. Gender Dysphoria. Trans* - whatever your word, your understanding or your story. Wherever you are or whoever's secret you may be keeping, you do not have to be alone. There are many families who have walked this path. Sometimes some people do, sadly, find themselves alone and we are working to see that change. If you are in a family walking this path and want to talk to other families, we are here.
There are families all over Ireland, north and south, all over Europe and all over the world. Together they are asking for better care for their children and for all people who identify under the Trans* umbrella. Gender Identity is a vast and complex area with lots of differing views and opinions. Our ideas are simple, we don't worry about the labels, we want to be there for each other and we want change. Every journey is different but whatever your journey, access to the right information and support from those with similar experiences can help. Gender identity can present many challenges, it can be a difficult path, challenges however can be overcome.
If this is your journey you don't have to travel alone. Support acceptance information and learning (Sail) because everyone has the right to be who they are.
* Nicola Doran is a director of Sail, a regional family gender support organisation based in Newry. Email sail@ transgenderni.org, call 0751 0228 412 or see transgenderni.com. Join our I AM AN Ally campaign by simply emailing us a picture and standing with us and all the other families, individuals, agencies and people working to ensure that no-one on this path feels alone anymore.