Go mbeannaí Dia daoibh agus bhur gcéad míle fáilte isteach chuig the Bluffer’s Guide to Irish.
Well, this is the last Bluffer before Christmas and already you will have seen the signs lit up wishing you a Nollaig Shona - Happy Christmas.
The Bluffer is usually a Bah Humbugger during the runup to Xmas as he expertly delegates the buying of presents to others much more capable than himself of telling the difference between L’air du Temps and Poison or whether great-auny Maud would like a box of snuff or a bottle of gin.
Bronntanais are presents, a word that strikes terror in many men at this time of year as their loved ones ask for a “surprise” instead of describing in minute detail what they want for Xmas and where it can be bought - preferably on line.
Then they are put under the crannNollag - the Christmas tree covered with maisiúcháin - decorations and solais - lights, some that flash and some that don’t.
The Bluffer doesn’t go in for much decoration outside the house and while some houses are lit very tastefully, he’s seen houses so OTT they’d make a Las Vegas casino blush.
The highlight of Christmas is, of course, the dinner, a chance for families to share some quality time together = or old grudges come to the fore and all hell breaks loose!
You start off with the anraith - soup but in most households it is the turcaí - the turkey which holds centre stage. Muicfheoil is ham and a nice Irish ham and they are complemented with prátaí bruite, rósta bácáilte - mashed, roast and baked potatoes respectively.
Bachlóga are the vegetables most children - and adults - hate, sprouts.
Meacáin dhearga are carrots, pis ar peas and the odd oinniún - onion doesn’t go amiss.
With your meal, you can have fíon - fruit of the vine and work of human hands, uisce - water, sú oráiste - orange juice or liomonáid - lemonade.
And if that isn’t enough, there is the milseog - dessert.
While eating, the Bluffer steadfastly refuses to wear a paper hat.
No, it’ll be tinkling on the ivories of the festive piano for the Bluffer and his brood, warbling carúil - carols such as Oíche Chiúin - Silent Night and An Oíche úd i mBeithil - O Little town of Bethlehem and one newly learnt from an eight-year-old - It’s No Fun Being a Turkey at Christmas!
Indeed it isn’t, and it’s probably no fun for the doctors, nurses, fireman, ambulance drivers, and everybody else who has to work over the festive period.
Or the homeless. Or the people who can’t afford to buy their kids the presents they have set their hearts on thanks to what’s called austerity. Or the lonely, or bereaved.
But there are always people ready to help out.
I saw a group of oibrithe deonacha - volunteers at Tesco;s collecting food to donate to one of the food banks that are needed in some of the worst hit parts of the city.
There’ll be no Irish News next Monday so in the meantime, Nollaig shona agus athbhliain faoi mhaise daoibh uilig!
CÚPLA FOCAL
Nollaig Shona(nuleeg hunna) - Happy Christmas
bronntanais(bruntinish) - presents
crannNollag(cran nullag) - the Christmas tree
maisiúcháin(maashookhaan) - decorations
solais(suleesh) - lights
anraith(anree) - soup
turcaí(turkee) - turkey
muicfheoil(mwickyawl) - ham
prátaí brúite, rósta bácáilte (praatee brootcha, rawsta, bacaaltcha) - mashed, roast and baked potatoes
bachlóga(bakhlawga) - sprouts
meacáin dhearga (macaan yaraga) - carrots
pís(peesh) - peas
oinniún(inyoon) - onions
fíon(feen) - wine
uisce(ishka) - water
sú oráiste(soo oraashta) - orange juice
liomonáid(limonadge) - lemonade
milseog(milshawg) - dessert
carúil(carool) - carols
Oíche Chiúin(eeha kyooin) - Silent Night
An Oíche úd i mBeithil(un eeha ood i mehil) - O Little town of Bethlehem
oibrithe deonacha(ibreehe joenaha)- volunteers
