Go mbeannaí Dia daoibh, a chairde, hello guys and dolls, you are all welcome to the Bluffer’s Guide to Irish.
Well, after seeing Oppenheimer last week, it was now time to see an scannán móréilimh eile - the other blockbuster film as he put on his léine bhándearg - pink shirt and sky blue trousers to metamorphose into staic i ndathanna pasatalacha - a hunk in pastel colours for the Barbie late show at the Odeon cinema in Belfast city centre.
The Bluffer is of an age where he remembers the bábóga - dolls that his sister used to play with. God, they were scary!
Silent with dead person’s eyes that followed you everywhere you went, they were just like real children, díothach - needy, leithleasach - self-centred and éilitheach - demanding!
Just what an phatrarcacht - the patriarchy (which ironically is a feminine noun in Irish!) ordained to condition young girls as to their roles later in life when they would be raising their own little Chuckeys.
You could get dolls who cried and dolls who peed themselves. Seriously!
But then, in 1959, along came the game changer in the form of the ard - tall, fionn - blonde and cliste - intelligent Barbie.
Barbie didn’t need to cry or urinate, she was too busy being beautiful and successful and fun.Stereotypical Barbie started it off but later clones became whatever their owners wanted them to be.
One of them became Uachtarán Stáit Aontaithe Mheiriceá - the President of the United States, goddamit!
Other Barbies got jobs in Barbieland, the happy clappy domhan matrarcach - matriarchal world in which they lived, unlike in the real world.
For example, bhí Barbie ina mainlia - Barbie was a surgeon long before women in the real world were working in obrádlanna - operating theatres.
Barbie has been spásaire - an astronaut, fiontraí - an entrepreneur and even a matador (olé).
No longer need young girls prepare themselves for domestic “bliss” via their dolls, now they have every opportunity in the world.
Or do they? According to the film’s director, Greta Gerwig’s film celebrates an feimineachas - “the feminism behind Barbie while also noting the controversial beauty standards associated with it.”
Barbie is 5’9 and 36-18-34 if you're old enough to know what that means.
But what happens when the doll Barbie starts to have thoughts of, shriek!, an bás - mortality, as a former Mattel employee and Barbie owner's real world worries seep through into Stereotypical Barbie?
The matter will not be resolved unless Barbie and stowaway Ken (a literal toy boy whose only role in life is ag súgradh ar an trá - playing on the beach and being in love with Barbs) travel to the real world where they soon discover the joys and perils of living among humans.
An emboldened Ken tries to change the Barbieland constitution - until the sisters get back to doing it for themselves, while Barbie at the very end, decides to leave for the real world.
The film itself is flawed but worth going to see.
an scannán móréilimh eile (un scanaan more-ayliv ella) - the other blockbuster film
léine bhándearg (lenya wanjarag) - pink shirt
staic i ndathanna pasatalacha (stack i nahana pastalaha) - a hunk in pastel colours
bábóga (babawga) - dolls
díothach (jeehakh) - needy
leithleasach (leh-lessakh) - self-centred
éilitheach (ayleehakh) - demanding
an phatrarcacht (un fatrarcakht) - the patriarchy
ard (ard) - tall
fionn (fin) - blonde
cliste (clishta) - intelligent
Uachtarán Stat Aontaithe Mheiriceá (ookhtaraan staat aynteeha verica) - the President of the United States
domhan matrarcach (dowan matrracakh) - the matriarchal world
bhí Barbie ina mainlia (vee barbie ina manleea) - Barbie was a surgeon
obrádlanna (obraadlanna) - operating theatres
spásaire (spaasera) - an astronaut
fiontraí (fintree) - an entrepreneur
an feimineachas (un feminyahas) - the feminism
an bás (un baas) - death
ag súgradh ar an trá (eg soogroo er un traa) - playing on the beach