INTERESTING proposals are set to be unveiled at today’s latest Uefa video conference involving representatives of all 55 member associations.
Plans and schedules will be discussed about when and how it might be practical or even possible to attempt to complete any leagues which have been halted by coronavirus – most of western Europe.
However, given that there can be no certainty about when it will be safe either to resume the present seasons or to start the next lot, scheduled for this autumn, there are suggestions that there is an opportunity instead now to consider redressing past injustices.
The current wave of nostalgia prompted by enforced time off for many and an almost total lack of live sport has led to prolonged analysis of previous matches and seasons.
The International Federation of Alliance Professional Leagues (FiProAllo) is understood to favour using VAR (remember it?) to look first at the most closely contested campaigns to ensure that the correct team actually finished top of the pile.
In England, the tightest title race of recent times was in 2011/12 when Manchester City pipped their then rivals Manchester United on goal difference. United’s initial submission centres around the amount of added time allowed in which AgueroooooOOOOOOOOOOO!!! scored his dramatic winner.
However, City’s lawyers have already prepared a counter-case based on drone footage of the Red Devils’ winger Ashley Young on repeated occasions during that run-in/fly-in, alleging that he breached Aviation Authority guidelines on low-flying aircraft. If that is ruled out, there’s an alternative objection to the full kit worn by Michael Owen on the final day.
Last season (not the one on hold, the one before, just to be abundantly clear, this one isn’t over, all right?) will also come under the microscope/rewind ad infinitum button.
Liverpool are seeking a review of the only league game they lost, crucially against champions Manchester City. VAR is to consider if City captain Vincent Kompany should have been sent off for a foul on Mo Salah. The Reds are also optimistic that a panel of football experts will refuse to believe that John Stones genuinely did some great defensive work in clearing a shot off the goal-line.
Apart from compilations of clips of players in LFC kit falling over easily, City’s response in this case is likely to be that Uefa’s persecutors should just leave them alone. They’re innocent, OK? The money was only resting in their account.
Liverpool’s legal team are more confident about their claim relating to 2009, based on the fact that Federico Macheda was clearly made-up. Sophisticated modern technology will prove, the Anfield hierarchy alleges, that the teenage sensation’s winning ‘goals’ were merely CGI footage spliced in from a comic book movie.
Arsenal (remember them?) remain aggrieved about missing out on the League in 1999. At this stage they are not seeking to submit any footage for re-assessment, simply shrugging their shoulders and saying: ‘Man U were at home to Tottenham on the last day. Tottenham, lads.’
Everton are adamant they must have something to moan about from the 1985-86 season, when they finished second to Liverpool, before also losing to the Reds in the FA Cup Final.
However, their complaint is on hold until they find a way to stop their Betamax footage breaking up, the tapes having been buried in a Kleenex box at Belfield for decades. They have also been advised that they’d be better off suing Bobby Mimms.
Tottenham are thinking about formulating a complaint about the last time they truly came close to challenging for the title only to be edged out for the trophy. They have a team of experts working on colourising footage from the early Fifties.
Leeds United’s submission relates to the 1975 European Cup Final when they were on the wrong end of some highly dubious refereeing decisions. However, after booting two Bayern Munich players out of the action completely, it is expected that they will be told to ‘wise up’, to use the legal term.
Any complaints from Celtic and Rangers are on hold until agreement can be reached over the inclusion of representatives from the Parades Commission and the World Council of Churches.
AMIDST the boredom of being confined to barracks, only let out occasionally tied to a 2km-long piece of string, people have been improvising their own fitness regimes and sports skills challenges.
Obviously I could kick (off either foot) or head a ball into any bin, at any distance - if only they weren’t already full to bursting. Although the time I threw a rolled-up wet napkin across the press room into a bunged bin remains the stuff of Croke Park legend.
Equally, I have had to decline participation in the toilet roll keepie-up tests because the stuff is so darn scarce. My collection of old newspapers is looking like an increasingly wise investment.
For those in similar circumstances, especially in smaller city spaces, there are new sports to try out:
Speed sock-sorting
Clearly there have to be categories in this code, commencing with beginners level pairing up of those with coloured toe areas, up through those with little logos on the sides, all the way to Olympic level black/shades of grey school socks with ever so slightly different ‘cuff’ lengths and designs. Although most of those have somehow fallen into my bin. Hence it being full.
Wandering round in circles
Two elements to this: first, exercise – try as many laps as you can manage of the utmost outdoor space available to you, whether that be a back garden/ yard, a nearby park, or a field. All the while rotating a broom handle to keep anyone else a safe distance away from you while also working your arm muscles.
The online version involves spinning around on the spot (changing direction every 15 seconds to avoid dizziness) until the same joke/gif/video has been sent to all your various WhatsApp groups. Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait too long.
The ‘Come on!’ challenge
Count how many times you bellow ‘Come on!’ at recalcitrant/dreamy children inside half and hour; this is good for the lungs and also boosts mental sharpness when counting into the 1000s.
Of course, the real challenge is to stop shouting ‘Come On!’ at every delay, although that’s difficult for someone whose first child’s first phrase was ‘’Mon, daddy, ’mon…’
Stay safe and stay sane, folks.
