Football

'There is light at the end of the tunnel' - former Antrim goalkeeper and mental health campaigner Chris Kerr

Former Antrim 'keeper Chris Kerr talked about his mental health issues following the death of his father in 2013. He has campaigned ceaselessly on mental health
Former Antrim 'keeper Chris Kerr talked about his mental health issues following the death of his father in 2013. He has campaigned ceaselessly on mental health Former Antrim 'keeper Chris Kerr talked about his mental health issues following the death of his father in 2013. He has campaigned ceaselessly on mental health

CHRIS Kerr dialled the GPA’s confidential counselling services number countless times, but couldn’t bring himself to say anything when they answered.

He’d ring the number and hang up. He’d ring it again.

This time he would start talking to the person on the other end of the phone. Definitely this time. And the next time after that.

But when he heard the voice on the other end of the phone, he’d hang up again.

One day he didn’t hang up and started talking.

This was the very raw beginnings of healing.

The former Antrim GAA goalkeeper and St Gall’s clubman received warm praise after writing a moving blog in March 2018, entitled: ‘In the name of the Father’ where he chronicled his mental struggles following the death of his dad in February 2013.

Since then, Kerr has been invited to speak at many events – youth groups, schools, sports teams and also addressed a conference at the European Parliament in Brussels last year.

Following the sudden death of Irish League footballer Jerry Thompson on Tuesday night, Kerr made a plea on social media for people suffering from depression and other mental health issues to seek help.

Thompson (24) was due to line out for Carrick Rangers against Glenavon but was a late change on the Carrick team-sheet when he didn’t show up for the clash at Mourneview Park.

Over the last few days there has been a spate of suicides in north and west Belfast and in Newry.

Kerr’s own mental health spiralled after his father Pat passed away from lung cancer, aged 59.

For a long time after, Kerr hid his worries from everyone.

“I remember playing for Antrim against Monaghan at Casement Park in June 2013,” Kerr says.

“Our next match was in the Qualifiers about five weeks away and five or six of us went out for a drink on the Monday.

“I was always in the middle of the craic - but I was thinking: ‘How can I say ‘no’ here?’

“We were at Cutter’s Wharf Bar and my predominant thought that day was: ‘I could take a run and jump into the water here and I’d be at the bottom before the rest of the boys could react.’

“I went into the toilet and had a bit of a meltdown in there and got a taxi home and was in bed at four o’clock in the afternoon.

“It was a sunny day. The weather that summer was unreal, and I was sitting with the curtains closed. The next day I woke up with a really bad hangover, I felt as if I got hit by a bus.

“Even during the Monaghan match I felt quite emotional, quite teary. The next day I was just scrolling on Twitter and I came across a GPA tweet with a confidential number on it of their counselling services.

“I kept ringing and hanging up. I couldn’t bring myself to it and then I eventually did. They put me in touch with a counsellor who I went to see.

“After about 18 months I found I hit a bit of a brick wall with the counselling. I tried medication, and it didn’t work for me, although I know people it has worked really well for. Then I tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and it helped me. Everyone is different.”

Through talking about his feelings, Kerr’s mental health has improved immeasurably.

“Something that I was really good at was putting on a mask and letting on I was alright. I was good at deflecting away from it. The feedback I got back from my friends was: ‘You were the last person I’d ever think of…’

“I was always chirping away and cracking jokes. It’s when doors close...

“Regardless of how dark the tunnel you might find yourself in, there is always light at the end of that tunnel,” Kerr added.

“It comes to an end at some stage. Tunnels don’t last forever. You might think you can’t find a way out at the minute, but there are people there who want to help. They’re sitting there right now wanting to help.”

Kerr encountered Jerry Thompson while the pair trained at Brian Neeson’s gym in Ardoyne.

Thompson became a father for the first time earlier this year and was performing brilliantly for Carrick Rangers.

“The line of devastation that people leave behind is horrific,” Kerr added.

“For anyone out there who may feel vulnerable, what I would say is stay strong and just hold tight; it will get better. I’m proof of that myself. In the last four or five years I’ve got better and better.”

In his experiences interacting with the various mental health associations and charities, Kerr says it’s hard to “put your finger on” why the suicide rates in parts of Belfast have increased.

“You don’t know what problems people have. Are people gambling more? You look at the potential consequences of ‘Brexit’ for people too. Some people are affected by drink and drugs as well.

“I wouldn’t say there is one reason; it’s so hard to pinpoint it because most people leave no trace of why.

“I feel so sorry for the families because it leaves so many unanswered questions. It leaves all those people in a dark place. Research says it’s something like for every one person who takes their own life, over 100 people are affected by it.

“And yet, we were taught from a young age to keep an eye on the quieter kids, the ones who appear withdrawn, but sometimes the quiet ones are the happiest people. They’re content, they’re happy in their own skin.

“It’s nearly the extroverts. I was like that. Sometimes the bigger personalities try and make other people happy.”

Lighthouse: Tel: 028-90755070

Pips: Tel: 028-90805850 (Freephone: 0800-0886042)

Health & Social Care: Tel: 028-90744447 (north & west Belfast); 028-90796220 (south & east Belfast)

Bridge of Hope (McSweeney clinic): Tel: 028-90921022