THERE was a lot of excitement in county Derry last weekend as a major project which we have been working on for years took a step closer to completion.
Following a weekend of diversions, another stretch of the new road opened on Monday.
And sorry, but if you’ll allow me, I prefer to give the super highway linking Derry to Belfast its full title.
Around our way, it’s ‘The New Road’ (capital letters please).
Smooth asphalt. Straight lanes. Wow! The possibilities are… Well, the possibilities are Belfast.
But we’ll get there and back a lot quicker than we used to.
I’m not the only one who feels this sense of exhilaration about The New Road.
Men much older than me are just as thrilled at this wonderful feat of engineering.
Some have spent their Sundays driving to the flyover at The Thatch to monitor progress.
I know one individual who pushed aside the cones and treated himself to a sneaky test-drive.
This particular gate-crasher is a Derry GAA fanatic.
If a grown man can get that excited about tarmac can you imagine what he would be like if Derry ever managed to win some silverware again?
And that is the question. Can anyone imagine Derry ever winning anything ever again?
I know. I hear you. I should be enjoying Cavan’s momentous victory, their first Ulster title in 23 years.
And I should be equally thrilled for Tipperary after their extraordinary win against Cork – their first Munster title in 85 years.
And let’s not forget all that wonderful historical symmetry.
On the 100th anniversary of Bloody Sunday, this year’s four All-Ireland semi-finalists – Cavan, Dublin, Tipperary and Mayo - are the same counties that reached the last four in 1920.
Yeah, great.
Maybe these developments should have put a spring in my step, but they haven’t. To be brutally honest, I couldn’t care less.
And I’ll tell you why. It’s because I’m a real GAA fan.
Some will take exception to this claim.
People who stand shivering at McKenna Cup games in January like to think of themselves as a cut above the rest of us.
They’re nothing of the sort. People who go to Dr McKenna Cup games are just a bit disturbed.
Because let me make this point very clear.
Your attendance at a totally meaningless match in the middle of winter says nothing about your allegiance to your county, however it does say a lot more about your mental condition.
Being a real GAA fan has got nothing to do with the amount of games you attend or the number of ill-fitting replica jerseys in your wardrobe.
The real GAA fan is characterised by their state of mind, which is:
1) They support their club.
2) They support their county.
3) They hate everyone else.
In the film, 'There Will Be Blood', the tyrannical Daniel Plainview played by Daniel Day Lewis says: “I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people. I see the worst in people. I build up my hatreds.”
Swap the word people for counties – and Daniel Plainview is basically a spokesman for normal GAA fans.
People who take vicarious pleasure in other county’s successes have something wrong with their heads. Fact.
Okay, maybe psychiatry hasn’t actually proved this, but one day it will.
On Monday, I bought The Irish News and The Irish Independent.
Reflecting on Cavan’s victory the previous day, former Monaghan midfielder Dick Clerkin revealed that he sent a text message to Paul Fitzpatrick, sports editor of the Anglo Celt and uber Cavan fan.
It said: “Congratulations…Genuinely!’
Now I’m genuinely worried about Dick Clerkin – a man who in his prime would have torn the limbs off Cavan players just for the pure fun of it.
Unlike Dick Clerkin, here’s how I feel. Prior to Sunday’s victory in The Athletic Grounds, Cavan had won the Ulster title 39 times.
That’s plenty for them. It’s also 32 times more than Derry. Now they’ve won it 33 times more than Derry. Bah.
As for Tipperary winning the Munster football title.
Tipperary won last year’s All-Ireland hurling title. They’ve won the Liam MacCarthy Cup 28 times. Now, they’re winning provincial football titles too. That’s just greedy.
And spare me your tut, tuts.
On Sunday night, a friend sent me his thoughts on Cavan’s big day.
His message said: “It’s the ideal title for those hoors. Nobody under pressure to get the first round in, and no fill of diesel to get to Croker for the semi-final.”
But don’t judge my friend too harshly. He’s from Fermanagh.
No Ulster titles. Not even a new road.
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EVERYONE probably knows that the busiest month for gyms is January.
But can you guess the second busiest month?
It’s September. And it’s the second busiest month by a country mile.
This is how it works.
There is an annual cycle to the training calendar. The summer holidays tends to knock a lot out of people out of their routines.
When children go back to school, gym-goers return to their classes.
In September, the first goal of the typical gym member is to lose the excess weight gained over a summer of barbecues and wine.
As autumn moves to winter, the focus then shifts to Christmas.
People like to look good at Christmas. Family occasions and social outings provide a huge source of motivation.
The importance of these annual occasions can’t be overstated.
While it’s not the sole reason people train, these social gatherings at Christmas give people an incentive to train and monitor their diet.
The disruption caused by Lockdown Two has been colossal in the effect it has had on people’s motivation.
It’s not just the fact that gyms have been forced to stop running classes.
It’s the fact that people don’t have the target of the company Christmas party or the big family get together.
In a further irony, the fatality rate of Covid-19 is a lot higher among the overweight and the obese.
Yet, as things stand, most people I know have never exercised less and they’ve never been less motivated to lose weight.
It’s going to be a crazy busy January – which could cause problems as well.
We need to learn how to minimise the spread of Covid-19.
We must also learn how to minimise the harm caused by restrictions.
Over-crowded gyms with people sharing equipment and standing on top of each other is definitely not a good idea.
But classes being banned and gyms being forced to close mightn’t be such a good idea either.
