DESPITE my best efforts to sleep as much as I can recently, I have been watching events in Rio Olympics. In time-honoured fashion, here’s, er, ‘a certain number of things I’ve learned from the Olympics’ (My ‘Olympic Things’, if you will):
1) Gaelic football is already at the Olympics:
Some, notably Tyrone manager Mickey Harte, have suggested that Gaelic games should have their place at the Olympics.
I got the sense that they already have when I was watching the handball.
No, I know it’s not Paul Brady handball, but in many ways it was reminiscent of modern Gaelic football.
The team without the ball pulled everyone back within or around their own ‘D’, inviting the opposition to try to score from distance.
There was a lot of hand-passing and occasionally a big guy would attempt to break through the defensive shield by basically throwing his body through the air at a clump of opponents. Nobody kicked the ball.
It was impossible to tell who had fouled or been fouled, or why a player had been dismissed from the playing area.
I found it compelling viewing.
2) Judging is wrong:
I’m much too clever and protective of my pretty face to offer any criticism of the Irish boxers’ preparations or perceived over-confidence.
Yet thinking about how winners are decided in pugilism in comparison to my own sport – archery – it strikes me that there surely has to be a better way to determine the winners in boxing.
Given that it’s all about hitting and not getting hit, we simply need to determine scoring zones for where punches land.
Top marks for giving someone a box on the nose, a bit less for a clip on the ear, decent ratings for a biff to the bread basket, and a little something for a saucy tickle to the ribs. Marks off for rabbit punches and dirty digs to the kidneys and duodenum.
The technology is surely there to design boxing vests and gloves that can record such scoring information.
Of course, they would all have to be standard issue, or you’d risk a repeat of that Russian fencer who wired up his own electronic scoring system in his sword.
3) Judging improves sports:
Perhaps it’s time to bring more style back into Gaelic football
Sometimes the scoreboard does lie. Often teams just try to get ahead and then hang on to that narrow lead for grim death, doing so by whatever means necessary, including cynical fouling and time-wasting.
So perhaps other factors could be introduced to the scoreboard.
Extra points could be awarded for the sort of scores Tyrone produced in the closing stages of this year’s Ulster final, factoring in distance, angle, and time remaining on the clock.
Or else there could be an element of giving marks for style of play, attacking approach, clean defending, etc.
Of course, as last week’s Off the Fence illustrated, getting anyone from outside the O’Neill county to give the Red Hands a fair and balanced assessment might be tricky.
Which brings us on to…
4) Lack of sportsmanship does get punished:
Egyptian judoka Islam El Shehaby was reprimanded and sent home from Rio 2016 after refusing to shake his Israeli opponent’s hand.
The International Olympic Committee gave him a “severe reprimand” for his behaviour following his first-round heavyweight bout loss to Or Sasson last Friday.
When Sasson extended his hand, El Shehaby backed away, shaking his head.
The referee called the 34-year-old El Shehaby back to the mat and obliged to him to bow; he gave a quick nod and was loudly booed as he exited.
The IOC said the Egyptian’s conduct “was contrary to the rules of fair play and against the spirit of friendship embodied in the Olympic values”, adding that the Egyptian Olympic Committee also “strongly condemned” El Shehaby’s actions “and has sent him home”.
Despite his first name, Sasson returned home with a bronze medal.
Given his first name, perhaps the Egyptian’s attitude was not a shock. Still, at least it was good to see the IOC showing that something other than money has value for them.
Then again,
5) Cynicism gets its reward (or at least avoids any punishment):
Manxman Mark Cavendish (obviously cycling for ‘Team GB, NI, and Crown dependencies thereof’) can sprint as if he has three legs himself, and he’s also not averse to pulling a few fast moves.
During the 160-lap finale of the omnium event, he ‘accidentally’ (on purpose) cut across Korean Park Sang-Hoon, wiping him out of the race completely.
That had the happy consequence (for Cavendish) of creating a domino effect which, ironically, also knocked down the leading contender for gold, Elia Viviani. Another reason for the Italian to dislike Domino’s.
Happily and heroically Viviani dusted himself down, got on his bike so quickly even Norman Tebbit would have smiled, and went on to deny Cavendish the gold medal.
Embarrassingly, the BBC commentary was even quicker to decide that Cavendish’s clatter was an absolute accident, honest to God, no harm intended, clean as a whistle, no case to answer. Obviously if ‘Cav’ had been on the receiving end they would have taken the same lenient view.
And, finally, still ‘inspired’ by cycling…
6) Better equipment can bring better results
Whaddya mean it’s always ‘five things’? Can’t we learn more sometimes?
Never mind the physical doping in cycling, there’s also the issue of ‘technical doping’.
The British bikes, for example, can cost as much as a very good car. Their opponents aren’t exactly careering around on boneshakers but the differences may bring precious time boosts on the clocks.
So it is a bit about the bike.
With everyone in the GAA always trying to exploit and enhance ‘marginal gains’ to improve performances, the wealthier county boards should surely be spending more on equipment (as long as it ‘complies with the Playing Gear and Equipment Regulations as ratified from time to time by Central Council’).
I’ll admit I haven’t read those regulations, but I’ll wager that, for the right sponsorship deal, you’d be allowed to use one of those gigantic hurls.
They’d be great for goalkeepers at least, to make goal-scoring impossible. Obviously that would require an immensely strong person to carry that particular hurl, but I’m sure the Russians and their lawyers could assist in that regard.
