FOR most of my life Christmas didn't mean much to me. I don't remember any before I was adopted at six; and after that I grew up as an only, albeit very happy child, in a house where Christmas was always very understated. The day itself revolved around church and a long lunch that involved a veritable flock of old aunts bathed in perfume, gin and silent, stinking farts.
They were lovely (the aunts, not their farts), but the day was always terribly sedate - for fear, I suspect, that even pulling a cracker could have induced a stroke.
Until my early forties, there wasn't a loving wife or partner to share Christmas with, so I fell into the habit of being alone - contentedly alone, as it happens - with books, a bottle of wine, pork chops and a box of humbugs and After Eights. And, I was fine with that. I didn't need a noisy household, or tree, or children, or the loud jollity of too many people crowded around a couple of tables pushed together.
Then Kerri came into my life: Kerri who came from a family that loved Christmas and celebrated it in some style. I was still uncomfortable with aspects of it, until the Christmas morning we videoed Megan, our eldest (she would have be 3 or 4 at the time) walking into the lounge and spotting her `Santa present' at the fire place. Her face was wonderful at that moment: pure, simple, innocent, wondrous joy. And, at that moment, I `got' Christmas.
A few weeks later I stumbled across the New York Sun editorial; the famous "Yes Virginia!" response to the nine-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon's question about the existence of Santa: "Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence.
"We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood."
I saw the truth of that sentiment brought to life a few years later when Lilah-Liberty, Megan's sister, was videoed with precisely that same look on her face when she, too, spotted her `Santa present'. Megan, now 18, retains the hopes that underpin the belief in Santa; and Lilah-Liberty, 7, still glows with excitement as she counts down the days. For both of them the experience is always greater than the present.
We are not a religious family, so the Christ part of Christmas has no significance for us. But I do believe that Christmas should be a time for reflection, a time to look at our lives and count the many, many blessings of family, friends and, most crucial of all, existence itself. We are lucky to be alive. We are lucky to live lives that are mostly safe and free from insurmountable challenges and stress. Every day with Kerri and my girls is a day of unquantifiable joy: every smile, every hug, every whispered, "I love you," even every squabble over dishwashing and bath-time is wonderful. Indeed, it's only when you've lived the majority of your life alone, that you can truly appreciate the clutter and laughter of a loving home.
I know, too, that Christmas is a difficult time for many people; particularly those who have known illness, lost loved ones or endured a hard year. Counting your blessings isn't always easy. So, wherever you are, whomever you're with and whatever you're doing, I hope you will get the chance to relax and reflect over the next few days. It took me a long time to discover how extraordinarily happy and rich a life can be and I'm truly thankful for that discovery.
Take care, be thankful and keep an eye out for those who may need support in one way or another. Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas, Virginias everywhere!
