Thank God coronations don't happen that often – I'm still recovering after the street party on New Lodge Road and I've spent a fortune on all sorts of royal memorabilia. If you're picking up on a touch of sarcasm, you'd be right.
The last time there was a coronation street party on New Lodge Road, people travelled by horse and British soldiers were fighting against American revolutionaries. While this coronation day was spent at home, it was anything but uneventful.
My wife stated weeks in advance that she intended watching the ceremony; I took this as a warning not to disturb her, and I promised I'd play nice. On the day, I walked into our living room – where she and my two children were watching the proceedings – just as Charlie and his wife were being hoisted into their golden chariot to begin their journey.
The channel then cut to Westminster Abbey where Alex Maskey was shuffling in his seat beside Jeffrey Donaldson. I joked that when it came time to sing the national anthem, oul' Jeffrey would deafen Alex by screaming it into his ear.
Michelle O'Neill sat close by, and I'd have loved to have seen how both reacted when it came time to offer the oath of allegiance to the new king.
And while I'd promised to behave, I couldn't help myself and began a running commentary. I reminded everyone that while Prince Andrew had been invited to this gathering of the great and the good, the Met police were arresting peaceful demonstrators outside.
My wife glared at me, but I was on a roll. Once the cameras returned to the golden carriage surrounded by its mounted guard, I turned to my 13-year-old daughter and said, "You know they shoot all those horses after the parade."
That was the last straw, and I was expelled from my own living room – yet another example of discrimination against a Catholic minority. Refusing to be denied my freedom of speech, I took to anti-social media to air the litany of injustices being inflicted on me in my own home.
Soon after I could hear the Protestant and two halflings launch into a raucous chorus of God Save the King. In fairness, I should point out that while my wife and children don't have any real affection for monarchy, they definitely never miss an opportunity to wind me up.
I could have risen above this provocation and acted like an adult, but that would have involved breaking the habits of a lifetime. Instead, being a sneaky Papist, I stealthily went to where our electricity box is situated; following the ceremony on my mobile phone, I waited until the crown was about to be placed on Charlie's head before cutting off the electric in the living room. You could have heard the collective cry of exasperation in Dublin... long runs the fox.
My description of unfolding events in the O'Kane household on social media was accepted by most for what it was – a bit of fun. I was therefore surprised to discover the next day that my Twitter account had been placed in what they termed 'under review'. This meant I couldn't change any settings, so I'm stuck with the ludicrous profile photo of me wearing a crown. My wife was overjoyed, calling it poetic justice.
Seemingly Twitter, like the UK government, isn't keen on protests – so much for Elon Musk's claim that his purchase of the company was to help ensure freedom of expression. Not that I intend changing a word of what I wrote or what I think – Twitter can stick its blue tick where the sun don't shine.
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A more serious fallout from the coronation was the disgraceful behaviour of the Metropolitan police who arrested five protestors opposed to the monarchy before they'd been able to hoist a placard or shout a slogan.
This action by the Met was the first outing of the Tory's new draconian public order legislation and resulted in the police having to offer a grovelling apology to those they'd dragged off the streets, saying no charges were being brought.
While the disruptive actions of Just Stop Oil have proved counterproductive in alienating public sympathy for that cause, the resulting new public order laws are completely disproportionate. Vladimir Putin will no doubt be watching proceedings closely and scream hypocrisy of any UK condemnation of their actions.
