I'M reticent talking about being on tour as I'd worry you might think I'm pimping for ticket sales. Thankfully, my gig in the Ulster Hall tonight is sold out.
Six shows into my tour, I've discovered I'm handcuffed to a lunatic in the shape of Terry McHugh, who's been my wingman for the last five years. This year, Terry has started running half marathons. 'What's wrong with that?', you may ask.
Well, in the last few years, McHugh has clocked up not one, but two, minor strokes which, in my opinion, should preclude him from running for a bus, much less 13.1 miles.
Terry abides in the wonderfully named Tyrone townland of Tattyreagh which sounds like the true home of the late Ken Dodd and his Diddymen.
Proof that Tyrone is a magical place was a recent incident when Coalisland was brought to a standstill by a... rampaging goat. I'd loved to have heard local radio cover that story but after the BBC's decision to axe Radio Foyle, the only local station left will be in Belfast.
Not that I'm dissing Radio Ulster, which has been both kind and patient with me over many years. An example of its patience was a recent booking I had for The Ticket with Kathy Clugston on December 22 past.
The show's producer, Owen, emailed me to come into Broadcasting House for 5.40pm on the day of the recording. Being a tad absent-minded, I immediately put the date and time into my mobile, attaching not one but three alarms.
You can imagine my surprise on noticing an email from Owen asking, "Hi Jake, just wondering if you're close?" I wasn't; I was sitting at home, in front of my computer, having messed up by not put on my glasses when setting the alarms, resulting in them going off at the right time, but on the wrong day.
Poor Kathy had to fill the time allotted for me but was forgiving and had me on, pre-recorded and via Zoom, the following week.
A few weeks later, I was back doing The John Toal Show with Vinny Hurrell plugging my upcoming appearance in the Portico Arts Centre in Portaferry. Thankfully, this time, I'd managed to get there on the right date and time but still managed to screw up due to my gift for malapropisms.
Instead of saying I was appearing in the Portico, I mistakenly said I'd be appearing in the Portaloo, which, as we all know, is an outside toilet.
The universe punished me for my portaloo mistake as gale-force winds made the drive to Portaferry for the gig a nightmare. Somehow, no doubt due to my advancing age, I'd forgotten that the road in some places runs right beside Strangford Lough; when a massive wave crested a wall in the darkness hitting the side of my car, I almost needed a portaloo.
I want to say I screamed like a little girl - which I did - but I'm worried NI's self-appointed 'Minister of Woke' Edwin Poots might complain.
The show itself went well in what is one of the most unique performance spaces in the country. A beautifully-restored church, the arts centre is used for Presbyterian worship on Sunday mornings.
The first time I played it a few years ago, I was stunned to be performing in front of an organ to an audience seated in pews - it never fails to bring out the preacher in me. While there's no bar in the venue, raffle tickets are sold along with a complimentary glass of wine or beer - absolutely everybody is lucky in that ballot.
Tonight, as I walk onto the Ulster Hall stage, I'll be aware I'm treading boards graced by greats such as Edward Carson and Ian Paisley; no, not the son, the real one. I can but wonder what those unionist heavyweights would think about me being their successor.
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FORMER Tory Chancellor Nadhim Zahawi has paid millions back in tax after a dispute with HM Revenue and Customs over a family offshore tax trust called Balshore Investments. With a personal fortune of £100 million, it was claimed Zahawi used the trust to avoid paying almost £4m in capital gains tax.
That a multi-millionaire, top-ranking politician hadn't paid his fair share of tax whilst our nurses, postal and rail workers protest for a living wage would, you'd presume, top the news agenda. Astonishingly, BBC news programmes hardly mentioned the story, yet found time to highlight government criticisms of the strikers. Go figure.
