WHEN I saw photographs of Arlene Foster and Peter Weir, bedecked in their ermine robes and being sworn into the House of Lords, I couldn't help thinking, what does an NI politician have to do to be classed as a failure?
Peter Weir's lamentable tenures as education minister were marked by his mishandling of transfer tests as well as the marking of exams, leading to added stress for children already traumatised due to their Covid-disrupted schooling.
He was promptly dumped by the electorate of Strangford in May's Assembly poll before being thrown a lifebelt in the shape of a seat in the Lords.
Arlene Foster's legacy is RHI and being duped by Boris Johnson into supporting a hard Brexit resulting in the inevitable NI Protocol; the ramifications of the latter led to the most recent fall of the Assembly.
In a beautiful twist of fate, the tenure of Foster and Weir in the Lords may be short, following Keir Starmer's announcement this week of his intention to swap out the upper house for an elected chamber if Labour wins the next election. Isn't it great when things work out?
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THE Assembly was recalled for the fifth time on Wednesday, for what purpose God only knows. My best guess is MLAs wanted to collect a few extra quid in travel expenses and grab a subsidised Christmas dinner whilst dropping in for the hour.
Only one thing remains certain in these turbulent times. None of our politicians can claim the moral high ground as they all knowingly continued to claim a full salary for a part-time job; with their snouts buried so deep in the Assembly trough, they're blind and deaf to the struggle of ordinary people during this cost-of-living crisis.
I offered them a chance at redemption by suggesting they donate £5k of their salary to charity. You won't be surprised that their response has been a deafening silence.
After a delay, secretary of state Chris Heaton-Harris has finally said he's going to cut MLAs' pay - though not until January 1.
From then, they'll get £37,337 - a drop of 27.5 per cent from today's annual salary of £51,500.
This is to reflect the fact they aren't doing the 'legislating' they were elected for, never mind the basic act of 'assembling'. And Mr Heaton-Harris says he may cut their pay again is the Stormont deadlock drags on even longer.
Having almost run out of adjectives to describe our MLAs, I dipped into a thesaurus I'd bought for my son. It seems he's inherited his dad's love of language as he was worryingly excited when I eventually gave him the book.
There are lots of words and phrases you could use to describe our assembly members. 'Value for money' isn't among them...
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PRINCESS Anne popped over on a flying visit to confer city status on Bangor. I presume she was chosen due to the dwindling numbers of suitable royals, what with Andrew probably confined in a tower and Harry minting it on Netflix in the US.
I'd mistakenly thought a cathedral was a minimum requirement for city designation - seemingly a leisure centre with a bendy water slide suffices these days. Then again, if Bangor can be recognised as a city, in future I demand that I'm recognised as a 6ft 2in Adonis.
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I had mentioned I wanted England to lose on penalties in the World Cup final; I've reconsidered and will settle on a defeat by France in tonight's quarter final.
And before someone accuses me of exhibiting a bigoted hatred of the old enemy, I'd point out this sentiment isn't confined to Belfast but will be found replicated in both Cardiff and Edinburgh.
For one thing which unites Irish, Welsh, and Scottish is a dislike of the England team and their army of arrogant fans, their perennial chant of "It's coming home" being one example of their sense of entitlement and ownership of the game - a proprietorial claim not borne out by performances on the field illustrated by decades of abject failure.
So, like many others on both islands and further afield, I will tonight morph into a rabid Francophile and hopefully, by the end of the game, be found standing on a chair screaming, "Vive la France".
