WELL, that's it over for another year, with all the predictable madness attempting to pass itself off as a cultural event.
The Collins Dictionary defines culture as "activities such as the arts and philosophy, which are considered important for the development of civilisation and of people's minds".
I'm stunned Collins missed out on other cultural highlights such as the erection of world record bonfires and people marching in fancy dress to a field to the accompaniment of flute bands.
As a card-carrying bleeding-heart liberal, I've always argued unionists have a right to celebrate the Twelfth as they see fit, but that's getting harder to justify.
Every year, the level of lunacy has incrementally increased to a point where the line between cultural celebration and sectarian baiting is impossible to discern.
There's no need for a degree in psychology to understand the reasons for this shift.
Unionists today feel threatened as never before, having been told by their leaders that their copper-fastened bolting to Britain has been corroded by the Brexit Protocol. Worse, the upcoming census is sure to show nationalists have not only out-bred them, but with a surge in Catholics in the professions, they've also out-read them.
A sure indicator of unionist fear is the ever-increasing height of 11th night bonfires. This year, a world record has been claimed by the Craigyhill bonfire in Larne which reached a height of 202.3ft. Precisely.
I noticed one social media comment claiming it "a great example of British engineering". While not wishing to be churlish or downplay their achievement, I'd suggest Isambard Kingdom Brunel might have viewed the stacking of wooden pallets as somewhat less than an engineering wonder.
A second-hand pallet can sell for £10; with some of the bigger 11th night bonfires using around 10,000 pallets, this equates to £100k going up in smoke.
Such wanton waste is offensive, especially during a cost-of-living crisis; I doubt the heat from those bonfires will be of much consolation to many in attendance who will face fuel poverty over the coming winter months.
As with all such records, the Craigyhill bonfire will now be seen as a benchmark which others will attempt to surpass with all the attendant dangers. Other must judge if a one-line entry in the Guinness Book of Records is worth the risk.
Not that I'm arguing for an outright ban on bonfires; instead, I'd suggest those building the pyres be regulated in the same as everyone else regarding health and safety.
There should also be a legal requirement for the bonfire builders to take responsibility for what's placed on them; until that happens, we will continue to see the disgraceful burning of effigies, flags and election materials.
As a comic, I take a somewhat unusual view of such idiocy. I imagine the debate which went into the placement of flags and other material on one of this year's bonfires. No doubt it involved a heated argument among grown men, sitting on a urine-stained sofa in their pallet den, desperate to create the most offensive display possible.
Each would offer their suggestion: the first genius demanding a Palestinian flag, another offering a 1916 Easter Rising flag bought specially but both trumped, as yet another triumphantly unfurled his tricolour emblazoned with an image of the Pope. Of course, all would agree on the obligatory Sinn Féin election posters - well, it wouldn't be a bonfire without them.
The best way to treat such infantile attention-seeking is with utter contempt. Indeed, I'd argue there is no higher compliment than having your image placed on an 11th night bonfire; there may even be a few politicians worried they've fallen off the bonfire rota.
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THE bonfire builders were upstaged this year by bin-gate. A video on antisocial media showed a man emerge from a first-floor flat from whose window a tricolour was draped and throw a recycling bin at a passing flute band.
Enraged band members chased their assailant indoors, throwing a large bin though the window of a ground floor flat window before police intervened.
I suspect the innocent residents of the ground floor flat won't be exchanging Christmas cards with their upstairs neighbour this year.
A subsequent online video showed three police officers 'arresting' a larger black bin, hoisting it into the back of a Land Rover.
That bin has secured Jamie Bryson's bin as its legal counsel; it claims the charges are rubbish and its client's bin framed, as it was the small Fenian green recycling bin which was involved in the attack. PSNI investigations continue.
