There's being stuck somewhere between a rock and a hard place: and then there's utter bleakness - a place so oppressively dark that you can't even see the rock and the hard place.
That's where we seem to be at the moment. Sinn Féin's Conor Murphy noted last week: "It's a fundamental question in negotiations - are the people you are talking to able to deliver a deal? And the answer to that at the end of the last negotiation was clearly no. So we need to ascertain all of these things. That could open up into a period of nothing happening and I don't think that's good for any of us."
And just in case his message wasn't clear, the DUP's Simon Hamilton added: "The prospects of a return to devolution in the short-term are bleak. I don't see it happening this year and perhaps even beyond."
On Monday morning, February 12, just hours before Theresa May and Leo Varadkar were due in Belfast to nod through an expected DUP/SF deal, I remained sceptical: "For the life of me I still don't understand how a mutually acceptable deal is possible on an Irish language act. What both Sinn Féin and Irish language lobbyists have been arguing for strikes me as unacceptable to the broadest swathe of unionism; so unacceptable, in fact, that I can't imagine they'd be bought off with legislation promoting Ulster-Scots language and culture."
My scepticism - which was completely out of tune with what others were saying - was based on my knowledge that the DUP hadn't been preparing their key figures and grassroots for a shift on Irish language. Sinn Féin must also have been aware that no ground work had been done by Arlene Foster and others; just as they must have known that trying to bounce the DUP over 72 hours was always going to end badly. Yet they seemed absolutely convinced that the DUP's negotiating team were prepared to shift their position and bounce their base. Anyway, as Sam Goldwyn said: "We've all passed a lot of water since then."
What is now clear is that Sinn Féin won't even begin a new round of talks until they know that an Irish language deal is already in the bag: which means a rock solid guarantee from the DUP that they can and will deliver it.
I don't see that happening. It would mean Arlene Foster going to her party and telling them that even sitting around a table again with Sinn Féin would require them rubber-stamping an Irish Language Act.
Her party has gone through hell in the past few weeks - embarrassed, ridiculed, wrong-footed and damaged (although probably not in electoral terms) - and I really can't see her recommending to the officers, MLAs, MPs and constituency associations that they just shrug their shoulders, give Michelle and Conor a nod and a wink and then kick-start negotiations again. And I'm pretty sure that Sinn Féin wouldn't take them on trust or make new talks an easy option.
I sense that Leo Varadkar's intervention - which seems to amount to the two governments convening some sort of broader talks process - is intended to get around the problem/impossibility of putting the DUP/SF together in the same room anytime soon. Again, though, I suspect that Foster and O'Neill, albeit for different reasons, might feel that such a set-up could turn out to be a trap - so they're unlikely to agree.
As it stands it's really difficult to identify an escape route from the impasse. The DUP may think that the relationship with the Conservatives will give them cover for a few years; but the trouble with that strategy is the very real danger that May will, eventually and spectacularly, shaft them (which, let's face it, is what Conservative governments tend to do).
Sinn Féin's attention is on the south at the moment, but I suspect that the electorate down there may be more impressed with a functioning, stable coalition up here than with chaos and instability. Also, if Sinn Féin is serious about the unity project it needs to convince the southern electorate that Northern Ireland - and unionists -are not more trouble than they're worth. The present mess will look very unappealing south of the border.
Meanwhile, Karen Bradley has a problem: how does she justify paying MLAs a single penny, let alone a reduced salary, for not being MLAs? As I argued in last week's column, you can't be an MLA and you can't pretend to be an MLA if there isn't a functioning assembly.
She has said that it is not her job to impose templates or frameworks on the DUP and Sinn Féin. So be it. But it is her job to take on the responsibility of governing Northern Ireland if devolution has crashed. And with Murphy and Hamilton - key negotiators - suggesting that a deal is a long, long way off, there is no need for Bradley to dither. Northern Ireland needs government: so get on with it Mrs B.
