Are we on the road to St Andrews Mark Two? Secretary of state James Brokenshire has strongly hinted he will reconvene Stormont talks in September at a location outside Northern Ireland, with an independent chair, recalling peace process summits of the Tony Blair era. The Conservatives have until now preferred to stand back and make Stormont fix its own problems on its own turf. Decamping to a country house in Britain has the advantage of creating a deadline, which the talks have come to lack. However, Stormont parties can act up to the theatrics of such an occasion with even more petulant brinkmanship. Add in the fact that London will have to legislate to restore the executive - with or without an election - and the stage is set for an agreement and associated law named after a stately home, castle, golf club or hotel. Perhaps Donald Trump has one available.
**
In an Irish News interview, Sinn Féin northern leader Michelle O’Neill has said her party will not compromise on its demand that Arlene Foster cannot be first minister before the Renewable Heat Incentive inquiry has concluded - although it is patently clear this is a red line too far, not least because the inquiry chair is making a point of not being rushed. There are obviously limits on what Sinn Féin can say ahead of negotiations but other party figures have been scaling this demand back in public for months, so sending O’Neill out to hold the line just makes her look ridiculous. It highlights what is perhaps the biggest medium-term threat to the executive - neither Foster nor O’Neill are fit to lead it.
**
Gerry Adams was briefing members of the US Congress in Washington when word came through that President Trump had banned transgender people from serving in the military. Sadly, Mr Adams does not seem to have mentioned the IRA’s transgender military tradition, which mainly involved men trying to escape from prison in a dress. Back then, this was considered grounds for arrest. Now I could probably be arrested just for pointing this out.
**
Orangemen may be less free to march where they are not wanted but they are still free to march on the head of a pin. The Orange Order has asked its members to stop using the phrase ‘Rest in Peace’ because praying for the dead is un-Protestant, un-Christian and superstitious. This might be just about defensible as an arcane theological dispute. Unfortunately, when Orangeman and former MLA David McNarry went on Radio Ulster to do just that, he let slip that an Orange initiation rite involves “riding the goat” - then refused to explain what this entails, beyond saying it “scared the hell out of me.” The Gospel of Matthew equates goats to the damned, Leviticus describes them as repositories of sin, while the idea of secret societies idolising a goat has been considered the epitome of Satanism by Christians since the Knights Templar were accused of it in 1308.
But sure what’s all that compared to saying Rest in Peace?
**
UK environment secretary Michael Gove did not believe he was in Wales while visiting an agricultural show in Antrim - a press release on the deliciousness of Welsh lamb was sent out by his London officials by mistake. However, Gove did seem to believe he was in a parallel universe, where cross-border agrifood arrangements can be “retained” after Brexit solely because the British government wants a “pragmatic” settlement. Others have a say in this negotiation, such as French farmers, who want every shipment of food to be physically inspected.
Gove had time to meet the DUP in Antrim but had to cancel a meeting with Sinn Féin at the last minute due to “flight delays”. Antrim MLA and Sinn Féin national chair Declan Kearney said his party was being “treated with contempt”. Could an extra £20,000 not have been found for a lift with the RAF?
**
Last month, Queen’s University Belfast dropped out of the world’s top 200 universities in the authoritative QS rankings. Last week, BBC Spotlight journalist Conor Spackman tweeted: “Sad to walk by QUB and its impressive buildings and know how far it has fallen. Belfast needs better.” Cue a furious response from the Belfast Telegraph, which accused Spackman of an “outburst” and “testing the corporation’s staff impartiality rules.” This is the third time in two months the paper has attacked BBC journalists over utterly harmless tweets. Concocting news stories out of twitter postings is simply the height of laziness.
**
Addressing the John Hewitt International Summer School in Armagh, former SDLP deputy leader and deputy first minister Seamus Mallon said: “The Good Friday Agreement hasn’t failed. It has been failed by those who haven’t implemented it properly.” This is also the standard defence of socialism, which is really not a very good sign.
newton@irishnews.com
