Sleb Safari: The Dancing On Ice injury leaderboard
ONE competitor has had their split chin glued together, another suffered a concussion while a third insists he “nearly lost” a finger, a kneecap and a shoulder which simply sounds like carelessness. Nonetheless, this calamitous list signals one thing and one thing only - the return of Dancing On Ice.
Ranked number two in the most dangerous TV show in the world by Sleb Safari and the World Health Organisation (if the latter were to rank these things and really it should), Dancing On Ice has never made sense but that doesn’t stop celebrities signing up for a fee agreed by a canny agent who knows one bad fall means no panto season.
So far the Dancing on Ice 2023 injuries are unpleasant but ultimately low scoring and pose no threat to Denise Van Outen who sits atop the leaderboard with a shoulder dislocation and multiple fractures. At number two is Jennifer Ellison who sliced her own scalp open during a live performance and right behind her is professional skater Yebin Mok who needed surgery after her celebrity partner ‘stabbed’ her in the leg with his ice skate.
There was a time when Channel 4’s winter sports show The Jump was the most dangerous series for celebrities who routinely broke bones and dislocated joints that really ought to stay located. By the end of the four series, 34 of the 60 competing celebrities had been injured. Eventually the Austrian health service and blue light services said enough was enough and Channel 4 pulled the plug.
Wasting no time, it brought forward its standby bloodbath - Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Win. Picture it, you’re tired, hungry, dehydrated and boasting a couple of cracked ribs and former armed forces personnel are yelling at you, screaming all the things your inner voice has the manners to whisper in your ear. That’s Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Win.
The show makes celebrities jump into the sea from a helicopter (from hell). In the most recent series Pete Wicks was knocked unconscious and Jennifer Ellison broke ribs in the jump. When the show was over and Jennifer returned home she took a trip to A&E where she says medics told her she had broken ribs, blood in her lung and a bleeding spleen.
Jennifer is one of the numerous celebrities who have done the rounds of these highly dangerous and downright baffling shows. Last autumn The Sun reported that filming for Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Win 2023 was taking place in Thailand and on one day alone three contestants had passed out during a march in tropical heat. One of them was The Wanted’s Siva Kaneswaran who cracked his head on the Dancing On Ice ice a week or two ago and suffered a concussion.
The Only Way Is Essex alumnus James Argent had to be withdrawn on medical grounds from Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Win 2023 after contracting trench foot and jungle rot so we can absolutely expect to see him trotting across the ice this time next year.
It was James’ Towie ‘colleague’ Joey Essex who “nearly lost” his finger on Dancing on Ice recently. "I went backwards over my finger and we were actually talking about losing my finger at that moment in time,” he told This Morning.
And yes, Joey did take part in Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins in 2020 and withdrew while undergoing a ‘brutal interrogation challenge’. And yes, he did have to be rescued by divers when he got stuck under water in Australia’s I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!
Surely there are easier ways to earn a living? Surely?
Helena Bonham Carter trusts her graphologist
Helena Bonham Carter has a graphologist on call - and on speed dial by the sounds of it.
Helena told The Times she has had her graphologist analyse the handwriting of anyone she has ever dated and confirmed the handwriting expert had warned her off one suitor.
“The writing was literally on the wall for one of them! I always check [potential partners] with my graphologist, my aunt and the nannies. Very useful. People who are in your home. They know.”
Never change Helena, never change.
James Cameron says Titanic is perfect as it is
James Cameron says he wouldn’t change a single frame of his 1997 film Titanic.
“If somebody were to plonk the book about Titanic on my desk and say make that into a movie I'd probably make the same damn movie now that I made back then,” he said.
“Why would I change a frame?
“We got 14 Academy Award nominations. We got 11 wins, we made more money than any movie in history. We continue to make a lot of money with it.”
Well, when you put it like that James…