Sleb Safari: Kim Kardashian's pimple power is the stuff of legend
Now that the hoohah about Kim Kardashian and the Ripley’s believe it or not dress - that’s to say do you believe she damaged Marilyn Monroe’s dress or not - has died down, scrutiny has turned to ‘the hold’ she has over boyfriend Pete Davidson.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that no man can simply be falling in love with a woman because he thinks she’s remarkable, he must be ‘under her spell’ and powerless to resist that malevolent influence.
You’ll remember the same fate befell Prince Harry. Now he’s married to the woman he loves, living with her and their two young children in a mansion in the Californian sunshine. Poor sod is miserable as sin in a modern tragedy that even Shakespeare couldn’t do justice to.
The bard of 2022 is Heat magazine which brings us news that Pete Davidson’s friends are worried that “one of the savviest characters in the entertainment world” is taking too much of an interest in his career.
An ‘insider’ has been speaking to the magazine on condition of anonymity since what they say is (popping candy) explosive.
“It’s like Pete’s been brainwashed,” the ‘insider’ said.
“He started out in this relationship being much more independent – taking Kim out in New York and introducing her to his world. But that’s really changed, with Kim well and truly running his life. She’s persuaded him to uproot his life in New York to move closer to her place in Calabasas, California, and even suggested that he quit his job on SNL. Everyone knows that Kim is one of the savviest characters in the entertainment world, and Pete should seriously consider her suggestions.”
The indignity of a man taking career advice from a savvy woman in the industry.
Heat’s source insists Pete’s friends, colleagues and mum have tried talking to him, “but it’s like talking to a robot”. Perhaps they got his recorded message on his phone?
“They’ve all seen a shift in his personality since he’s been dating Kim, with Pete bragging more about material things, blowing off friends and family, and name-dropping about notable people he’s met through his girlfriend.”
The source says Pete knows that “folk think he’s lost his mind” but he attributes it to jealousy.
“He’s got the opportunity to build a future with the hottest babe on the planet and a VIP pass to the most powerful family in Hollywood. The Kardashians have got him right where they want him, and he loves it.”
Hottest babe on the planet? Is that a line from Wayne’s World?
Kim’s been chatting about Pete too. Her story’s different. She told Jimmy Fallon on his late-night TV show that one of the things they bonded over was skincare.
Kim says she knew the relationship was special when she fell asleep one night before putting spot cream on, despite having bent Pete’s ear about her pimple for most of the evening. Readers, Pete saw her right.
"I fell asleep, forgot, woke up in the morning with dried pimple medicine on my face," she explained.
So, if Sleb Safari has got this right, Kim Kardashian has brainwashed Pete Davidson into…putting Clearasil on her spots? What a witch.
Joey Essex looks like your nan
IT’S been more than a minute since we checked in on Joey Essex. The last time we did it was January and he was in Australia taking part in their version of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!.
Australian viewers didn’t have a clue who he was and his self-penned description - “international reality TV star” - didn’t help them one bit.
Joey is home again and Sleb Safari was delighted to see him out and about in London, strutting along a red carpet at the launch of streaming site Paramount +.
It took Sleb Safari a moment to recognise Joey because he was wearing a headscarf over his head and tied under his chin and looking like your granny.
Gillian Anderson, Michelle Pfeiffer and Sylvester Stallone were on the same red carpet but they hadn’t even a headscarf between them. For shame.
Brian McFadden sums up the Irish spirit
Brian McFadden of Westlife fame has, in one anecdote about his first holiday outside Ireland, summed up what makes the Irish great.
“I was always envious of friends who would go abroad, though, and after years of begging my dad took us to the Sunset Beach Club in Benalmadena, Spain,” he told The Times.
“I’d wanted to experience being in a hot country as I’d only ever been in the cold Irish climate.
“We arrived in Spain at the end of an 18-month drought and from the moment we landed until the day we left, it rained. What made it worse was that Ireland was enjoying its hottest heatwave for two decades. We returned home white as ghosts, while everyone else had lovely tans. But we still had a brilliant time because we knew how to have fun in the rain.”
And that ladies and gentlemen sums up the Irish spirit.