Sleb Safari: Britney Spears got married and not even a wedding crashing ex-husband could ruin her day
What to do on the day your ex is getting married. Should you watch a box set with a KFC 14-piece party bucket for company? Plan a fun day with friends? Or livestream yourself breaking into her house and trying to gatecrash the wedding? If the answer is C, then you are Jason Alexander, the man who Britney Spears was married to for 55 hours back in 2000 and whatever. The livestream ended with Jason in handcuffs and before a court so if you’re dithering, don’t pick C.
Britney Spears’ very new husband is called Sam Asghari and their guest list was everything you could hope for. Madonna turned up and danced with the bride to Like A Virgin. Selena Gomez joined them on the dancefloor for a boogie to Toxic. And then the three of them helped Donatella Versace, Drew Barrymore and Paris Hilton to sing Vogue.
Paris isn’t long home from her own 80-day honeymoon after marrying her ‘twin flame’ husband, the venture capitalist Carter Reum.
Unlike Paris, Britney included the groom in her Instagram wedding photos. It was the second day of Paris’ wedding photo dump before we saw her husband. She allowed him to accompany her to Britney’s wedding and to look adoringly at her in photographs which eventually made it onto Instagram after 19 pictures of her.
Paris is many things - hotel heiress, collector of Chihuahuas, podcaster provocateur, model, reality TV star, fingerless glove fan and, in the words of Jimmy Fallon, “one of the most famous DJs out there” - so it’s no surprise, no surprise at all, that she was double booked for the day of Britney’s wedding.
In an episode of her This is Paris podcast she let everyone know that she had been booked to DJ for US President Joe Biden. It makes about as much sense as the Queen asking Craig David to perform at her platinum jubilee concert. The one where she went to bed before it started with a Miss Marple and two fingers of whiskey.
Paris’ gig was at the ninth Summit of Americas dinner at the Getty Villa in Los Angeles, attended by the leaders of North, South and Central America, and the Caribbean. Or, as Paris put it: “I was actually asked to DJ for the president and all of the other presidents from around the world for the dinner”.
And Paris means no disrespect to Joe, but Britney’s wedding was “more important to me” so she bailed on DJing. Proper order Paris, that’s what you do when a friend’s getting married.
Paris didn’t DJ at the wedding reception though; too much of a busman’s holiday. But she and Britney treated everyone to a performance of Paris’ banger Stars Are Blind. Madonna still hasn’t recovered.
The party ended at 10.30pm when the bride and groom were driven away in a white Rolls Royce with a ‘just married’ sign on the back and guests waving giant sparklers.
If anyone deserves a happy ever after with a decent man it’s Britney Spears.
Reach nearly didn't happen
Reach by S Club 7 is a bop. Fact. No discussion needed. No debate necessary.
And yet, if S Club 7 had had their way they would never have recorded it. Quelle horreur!
Jo from S Club told Scott McGlynn on his Instagram show Celebrity Skin Talk that the bandmates thought little of the song when it was first played to them by a bloke on guitar and tbh it’s no wonder, an acoustic Reach is not a banger.
"We all sat in the room and a guy played it on a guitar and we was like ‘oh no’, but we did it and it's what we're known for - our biggest hit."
There ain’t no party like an S Club party and a party without Reach isn’t a party at all.
Knives Out: The Sequel
Benoit Blanc’s next case, the follow up to Knives Out, is called GLASS ONION. pic.twitter.com/6Zo0g1VX11— Rian Johnson (@rianjohnson) June 13, 2022
If, like Sleb Safari, you watched and loved Knives Out you will be delighted to know that the sequel is underway and it’s called Glass Onion.
Daniel Craig is reprising the role of detective Benoit Blanc and the film is due on Netflix around Christmas.
Can you peel back the layers of an onion if it’s made of glass? Either way, Benoit will slice it and dice it and solve the crime.
Social Media Smut
Sitting in Turl St in Oxford watching the students walk by in carefully curated vintage T-shirts of bands I used to know the drummer in. pic.twitter.com/yfiQtgsOi4— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) June 14, 2022