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Sleb Safari: Tanks very much Kanye West

Kanye West has sold his tank which is the most Kanye West thing you'll read today
Maeve Connolly

NEWS just in from the car traders’ WhatsApp group Sleb Safari belongs to - Kanye West has sold his customised tank to the Diesel Brothers, off the telly, for a reported $500,000.

It’s not just any tank, it’s a Ripsaw EV2 tank. And there’s a three-year waiting list for them. Hang on, that makes it the Hermes Birkin bag of the tank world.

Sleb Safari has Googled the Ripsaw EV2 tank so you don’t have to and it’s basically a luxury, off-road vehicle and Sleb Safari wants one. Or at least a go in one.

According to luxexpose.com the Ripsaw EV2 is “equipped with gullwing doors, climate control, a sound system, high-end leather seats and since there’s no rear window, the vehicle features an LCD screen with an integrated backup-camera display”.

Should you wish, you can also order a “fully sealed aerospace-aluminium ‘hull’ with floatation-capability”. Handy!

Admittedly a tank isn’t the most practical of vehicles. 

Kanye must have bought it, figuring it would impress the other parents on the school run and then realised parking was a nightmare.

Sleb Safai imagines it had sat idle at his Wyoming ranch for so long it had effectively become a super expensive feature plant pot. Kanye West isn’t going to have a milk churn with daisies growing out the top or a giant tea cup and saucer full of succulents. If anyone’s going to have white roses growing out of a gun turret on a tank it’s Kanye West.

The Diesel Brothers are Dave Sparks, aka Heavy D, and Dave Kiley, aka Diesel Dave, and they have their own TV show where they do things like customise pick up trucks and buy a tank from Kanye West.

How different life could have been for the Chuckle Brothers if they had only gone one letter further in the alphabet during that brainstorming session. 

Heavy D confirmed the purchase to tmz.com and revealed the customised tank has a DVD player built into the dashboard which only plays one music video, “on an endless loop”.

Is that healthy? Being locked in a rolling metal box with one song on repeat? It is not. Sleb Safari reckons we’ve landed squarely on the reason for the tank sale. Heavy D says he can’t see any way around it but to rip that DVD player right out. Well quite, the resale value will start to climb as soon as you reach for your tools. Crack on.

Read more: Sleb Safari: Bono, you okay hun?

Sesame Street dreams come true 

Brett Goldstein got invited to Sesame Street and he’s still not over it. 

Sleb Safari can say without fear of contradiction that by the looks of it Brett had the best day ever.

 

Craig Revel Horwood is fun, ok?

And so to the Strictly judge everyone loves to hate, the pantomime character that is Craig Revel Horwood.

Craig is going on tour later this year with a show that will see him sing, dance and spill the beans. He says he’s looking forward to audiences seeing the ‘real’ him.

“You’ll see the lighter, brighter, smiley side of me,” he told whoever was on the sofa on The One Show the night he was on.

“Obviously, on Strictly I have to be a judge and I play that character, but on tour, I’m going to be my total self.

“I think most people think I’m like me on Strictly all the time, but I actually am quite fun.”

It’s never a good start when you have to tell people you’re fun but hey ho, best of luck with that tour Craig.

 

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