THIS week a get well soon card and big bottle of Lucozade is in the post to Simon Cowell who has had a second bike accident, a second trip to hospital and a second round of broken bones.
It’s not all posh nosh and bubbles this celebrity lark, it’s plaster casts and painkillers too.
According to reports, Simon went over the handlebars of his electric bicycle and landed in the middle of the road, breaking his arm and suffering a concussion in the process.
Over to Simon: “It was actually quite boring. I was just cycling, not paying any attention, it was raining and I went round a corner and the wheels just went under me – and then I knocked myself out.
“Luckily there were some people around who stopped the traffic.”
Simon already has a metal rod in his spine after falling off another e-bike 18 months ago. But it’s ok, he says he’ll wear a helmet from now on, so none of us need worry.
Sleb Safari has long been documenting the trials and tribulations of our beloved A-listers and appreciates a good, quirky celebrity mishap - as long as no-one is seriously hurt.
In recent years the Showbiz Injury canon has grown steadily and, as always, Sleb Safari remains hopeful that it will become a fundamental part of the curriculum for Celebrity Studies 101 which Harvard must surely be ready to add to its prospectus?
To recap, the five most recent entries of note in the Showbiz Injury canon are:
1 Pete Doherty, the hedgehog and the infected finger
2 Fran Healy. savaged by a sausage dog
3 Katie Price, the wall and the shattered feet
4 Kate Beckinsale, nobbled by a pair of leggings
5 Simon Cowell, the bike and the broken back/arm
What Simon’s stories lack in intrigue they make up for in seriousness, but they’ll always languish at the bottom of the league table.
Table toppers Fran Healy and Pete Doherty were injured trying to help little critters.
Troubled troubadour Pete cut his finger on the spine of a “cute wee verminous Shnuffle shuffle pig of the hedge” which his dogs had taken a liking to and that cut got infected and he ended up hospitalised, while a sausage dog “mauled the s**t out” of Fran’s left hand when he tried to save it from being killed on the road in the Hollywood Hills.
In turn, Katie Price jumped over, or off, a wall while on holiday in Turkey and shattered both feet. As if that wasn’t bad enough, a stranger on social media had the gall to suggest that Katie had made it all up as a cover story for bunion surgery. She soon put them right.
And then there was Kate Beckinsale who was nobbled by a pair of her own leggings. She was hospitalised with a back injury incurred while pulling on the dastardly leg coverings.
It’s a tough category Simon so although you’re not going through to the next round we want you to know that you’ve done yourself proud and your family proud and you’re a star in their eyes.
Katie Price and Carl Woods cement their relationship
Katie Price and fiance Carl Woods have a new ‘family business’.
Hot on the heels of Katie’s Channel 4 TV show - Katie Price’s Mucky Mansion - she and her chosen stallion have joined the subscription based, adult website Only Fans.
Well, you know what they say, the couple that does OnlyFans together stays together.
Molly-Mae Hague and her Instagram life
Sleb Safari is so cross at Molly-Mae Hague for flaunting a lifestyle that the average person cannot match.
The Mirror alerted Sleb Safari to the situation. Molly-Mae, of Love Island fame, shared a picture on Instagram of her Sunday night preparations for a trip to the gym the following morning.
The Mirror explained: “Days after being fascinated by bargains and discount stores, former Love Island star Molly-Mae Hague has revealed she uses a swanky bag from high-end luxury fashion house Louis Vuitton for her trips to the gym.”
And it headlined the story: “Molly-Mae Hague uses £1,600 designer bag to hold her sweaty gym kit for 6am workouts”.
Flip, Molly-Mae, that’s just not on. 6am trips to the gym? You should think shame of yourself.
