Sleb Safari: Arise Sir Spambo
Sleb Safari needn’t have worried about missing Richard Madeley after his sudden departure from I’m A Celebrity because he has been on the telly talking about it. At. Great. Length.
Richard’s first port of call was Good Morning Britain where he offered Susanna and Ben his thoughts on what had happened, medically, to cause an ambulance to convey him from Gwrych Castle to hospital.
"I think what happened to me was I got dehydrated. I think that's all it was, but dehydration – if anyone has ever suffered from it – is actually quite disturbing.”
Sleb Safari thinks what happened to him was that healthcare professionals diagnosed dehydration and shared their findings with him. Not the other way round.
Back to Richard for additional clinical insight.
"Basically, I think I'd been up for about 20 hours the day before and the day before that. We were having very very long days and sleeping quite late. We don't have watches in there. I don't think I got to bed before four, four thirty in the morning and I knew I was feeling thirsty.
"I'm quite bad at remembering to drink water and I got into my sleeping bag and it was freezing and I thought, 'Ah I haven't had a big drink for a while, oh I'll do it when I wake up,' and the next thing I knew I was sitting there babbling.
"I don't know, I was speaking nonsense."
Sleb Safari would dearly love to hear Judy’s take on this. Or at least see her face. Even her eyes would do.
After falling ill and being unable to return to Camp, Richard left his fellow Campmates a video message that had us all in our feels ?? pic.twitter.com/Se51XLFR1q— I'm A Celebrity... (@imacelebrity) November 28, 2021
Then it was time to find out what Richard ate as soon as he got home from hospital.
Strap in, Spam fans, for Richard went to town on the tins.
"Between 9 o'clock on Saturday morning and maybe 11:30 on Saturday morning, I ate two large tins of Spam. Yes.”
"I don't know. Why do pregnant women crave to eat coal? I don't get it," he told Susanna and Ben.
“I like Spam and from time to time I have a Spam sandwich and I know that's very dated and it puts me back in the post-war generation.”
Sleb Safari would love to hear Snoochie Shy’s reaction. The Eagles? Never heard of them. Dire Straits? No idea. Spam? Ditto.
Richard continued: "I mean, you know, rice and beans most of the time, Spam is quite highly flavoured and quite highly spiced and I just suddenly developed an absolute passion for it and I was starving.
"So I had about 10 Spam sandwiches."
Most surprising of all is that this mountain of Spam sandwiches - Spambos, if you will - didn’t land Richard back in hospital with chronic indigestion.
Richard is keen to rejoin I’m A Celebrity in the future and if he returns as a designated dignitary, please, please, please let him be called Sir Spambo.
The Speed sequel we've all been waiting for
Sandra Bullock has an idea for a film that will reunite her with Keanu Reeves.
The pair have starred together in Speed and The Lake House and Sandra knows what would close the circle.
“I would love nothing more than to do a comedy with Keanu before we die. Just laugh with him. He’s funny,” she told Esquire magazine.
“We can be 75—it’ll be even better then, like an old-people Cocoon thing. We play two funny old people. A road trip. Just put us in an RV as old people. It’ll be the bookend of Speed! We’ll just be driving really slowly. Pi$$ing the world off. There’s our movie.”
Sleb Safari would watch that; heck, we’d all watch that.
Dancing on Ice starts to count the injuries
And so to Dancing On Ice, the celebrity-novice-paired-with-a-professional format that the NHS would love to see cancelled.
In the last series Denise van Outen suffered a dislocated shoulder and three fractures while a professional skater needed surgery after their celebrity student accidentally sliced open their leg.
Training is well underway for this year’s bloodbath and already the falls and cuts are mounting. Professional skater Vanessa Bauer and her novice partner Brendan Cole are really clocking them up, First he sliced her back with his blade, then he suffered a concussion after falling on the ice and finlly his "adductor (groin) muscle went pop mid lift!"
There must be easier ways to make a living.
David Beckham bitten by Harper
Spare a thought for David Beckham whose daughter bit him on the nose as he was tickling her.
It’s a harsh lesson to learn but let’s all learn from David’s painful mistake so that we don’t have to go through the same ordeal. Selfish? Sleb Safari?