Sleb Safari: Brooklyn Beckham's breakfast bap bonanza

 The sausage, egg and bacon sandwich on white bread with no butter and some ketchup which Brooklyn Beckham cooked on the Today show in the US
Maeve Connolly

IS autumn getting you down? Dark evenings? Cold mornings? The prospect of sky-high home heating bills? Sleb Safari has just the tonic and rest assured it’s exactly what the doctor would order had she time for such frivolity.

You must watch Brooklyn Beckham, heir to the Beckham fortune, doing a live cooking segment on the Today show in the US. Why was Victoria and David’s first-born invited on as a guest chef you might ask and you’d be right to. To be clear, there is no satisfactory answer to your question and Sleb Safari can only refer you back to Brooklyn’s provenance.

Brooklyn’s painful-to-watch cookery debut involved teaching America how to make a sausage, bacon and egg bap. A breakfast bap is what you get from a burger van in a lay-by and Sleb Safari feels that it’s doing a disservice to the people working hard in burger vans by comparing and contrasting their graft to Brooklyn’s dabbling.

Brooklyn even kept a straight face when saying aloud that the recipe for this “English breakfast sandwich” had been passed down to him from his great grandmother. Oh Brooklyn, just when we thought no-one could top Victoria’s performance in Spice World you offer us this, on a plate. 

Brooklyn explained to the Today presenters that he has always loved food (eh? That’s anyone with a pulse) but, thanks to lockdown, had really “started to get into it”. Ah, Covid-19, the pandemic that just keeps giving.

Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz at the Met Gala 2021. Picture by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

With the self-awareness that only a celebrity possesses, Brooklyn has been sharing cooking videos on Instagram where he doesn’t talk and doesn’t share the ingredients or recipe. Filmed by his fianceé, these vignettes of a top chef’s life have included recipes as tricky and diverse as a burger, steak sandwich, French toast and spicy tomato cream pasta. The final dish is by far Sleb Safari’s favourite due to Brooklyn using a jar of pasta sauce.

If opening a jar of Dolmio makes you a chef then slap a Michelin star on Sleb Safari’s rump and tip at least 10% when you come round for dinner.

Brooklyn’s spicy tomato cream pasta video got 385,550 likes and one does have to wonder how all those people, all three hundred and eighty five thousand, five hundred and fifty of them, coped when Instagram went down for six hours the other night. 

Brooklyn’s CV is a thing of wonder. At 18, Penguin Random House published a book of his photographs called What I See: Brooklyn Beckham. Spoiler alert: One of the things he saw was himself in a mirror. 

And now, at 22 he’s a fully fledged ‘celebrity chef’ whipping up a breakfast bap like he’s reinventing the wheel. What next? America’s Got Talent? The White House? It’s all to play for.


Denzel Washington won't forget his time on the Grey's Anatomy set

Denzel Washington

Can someone check in on Ellen Pompeo please? 

Ellen has played Dr Meredith Grey in Grey’s Anatomy for ions and on her podcast the other day told a compelling story about the time Denzel Washington was brought in to direct an episode.

Ellen ad-libbed a line during a scene, telling another actor in character to look at her when apologising. Ellen says “that wasn’t in the dialogue, and Denzel went ham on my ass”, telling her he was the director and if anyone was going to give an actor direction it would be him.

Ellen reacted calmly and reasonably*. 

“And I was like, 'Listen (expletive), this is my show, this is my set, who are you telling? You barely know where the bathroom is.'” 

Sounds like a fun day at work in the kind of environment where everyone feels both safe and respected.*

*Not really


George Clooney still isn't over Batman and Robin

Amal Clooney and husband George. Picture by Gareth Fuller/PA Wire

AND so to George Clooney, the man for whom everything he touches turns to gold. Except for the 1997 film Batman and Robin.

George played Batman to Chris O’Donnell’s Robin and would appear still to be coming to terms with making millions for a piece of work that he doesn’t rate highly.

He was at a premier with his wife, human rights lawyer Amal Clooney, when she told a reporter he had banned her from watching Batman and Robin.

George wants you to know it’s for the right reasons - “There are certain films I just go, ‘I want my wife to have some respect for me’.”

That’s just sensible.


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