Sleb Safari: It's all business and no funny business on The Apprentice

No funny business, you hear?
Maeve Connolly

ALAN Sugar is alarmed at the prospect of The Apprentice becoming Love Island for people who favour business attire to swimwear and has taken steps to ensure there’s only one kind of dressing down happening on his show.

Determined to keep his contestants focused on the boardroom, Alan has hired extra chaperones for the new series and now they’re all hanging out in a business-acumen scented bubble. Imagine the unimaginable - a chaperone and a contestant falling in (forbidden) love. The drama. Alan might want to think about possible spin-off TV shows and not be so hasty with the relationship ban.

The Sun has the lowdown. Natch.

“Lord Sugar has always hated the idea that some of the contestants might be getting together behind the scenes while filming," a source told the paper.

“This isn’t Love Island. To him, the process should be solely about business. The latest batch of contestants face stricter monitoring than any past group. Staff have been tasked with ensuring contestants keep their eyes on the prize and not on each other.”

Sleb Safari wants to see a mixture of ‘out’ chaperones and undercover operators in series number 16. How about "members of staff’ pop up in that empty caff the losing team gets sent to so they can lob blame at one another in a practice run for the boardroom?

Of course, there’s an easier way to keep tabs on this year’s cohort. Pop them into the Big Brother house and be done with it Alan; that way you, Karren and Claude can do shifts sitting in front of a bank of screens, monitoring the contestants’ every movement. The BB house is sitting empty and it’ll save you renting that massive London townhouse and making a dent in the £1.2bn The Sunday Times Rich List has written beside your name.

Love Island is making its triumphant return too, having had to postpone filming last year due to the pandemic. It wouldn’t have been a good look if the face masks were bigger than the swimwear.

The new series starts on June 28 and looks likely to have been filmed, as before, on Mallorca. Not like the last series of I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! where the celebrities had to make do with a derelict castle in Wales in the dead of winter instead of the Australian rainforest. How different would Love Island be if they filmed outdoors, in winter, and everyone wore thermals? As a base layer? Lord Sugar, Sleb Safari thinks it’s cracked your dilemma...

Katie Price is getting teeth and a tuck in Turkey

Katie Price and Carl Woods got new veneers in Turkey last summer. Picture from Instagram

Fresh from their “baby-making holiday” in Portugal Katie Price and her Chosen Stallion have flown to Turkey for cosmetic surgery and cosmetic dentistry. Turkey is on the red list ie: Stop, do not proceed, but that isn’t stopping these two love birds from getting a bit of work done before the wedding.

When they were in Portugal a friend/source/publicist suggested they were hoping to conceive a child and would name it Lisbon. Sleb Safari is wondering whether they’ll stick to this naming convention if it turns out their baby was conceived not in Turkey but while enjoying mandatory quarantine in the Stansted Airport Travelodge.

Strictly's Bruno and Craig are fronting a driving show

DRIVING gloves and goggles at the ready, for Strictly judges Craig Revel Horwood and Bruno Tonioli are fronting a new TV show that will see them driving around some of the prettiest parts of England, Scotland and Wales.

These two could be driving down the M1 and Sleb Safari would watch them.

Craig has promised a great soundtrack: “Bruno and I are thrilled to be taking viewers on this summer adventure with us. I can’t wait to get behind the wheel and indulge in a spot of history, culture and of course some killer playlists.”

Bruno says “... strap on your seatbelt and hold on tight everyone” so he must be the health and safety officer. Or the driver.

The executive producer insists that Bruno and Craig are "genuine friends" and "as you’d expect, there’s plenty of bickering, lots of laughs and the odd surprise along the way".

Sleb Safari is very much in favour of this driving adventure.

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