Oh to have the confidence of the adult child of celebrity parents. I’m a photographer! I’m a chef! I’m a nutter in the kitchen! I’m Brooklyn Beckham!
Brooklyn, heir to the Beckham (purple velvet) throne(s), has been trolling us for quite some time now and he has moved up a gear with his latest shenanigans.
It all began with the 2017 coffee table book of photographs entitled What I See: Brooklyn Beckham. Spoiler alert - One of the things he saw was himself in a mirror. Something else he spotted was a herd of elephants but unfortunately even the best photograph he took on the day was blurry. Did he or the publisher say, ‘well we can’t put a blurry picture in a premium, glossy, book’? Did they heck. The ‘workaround’ came courtesy of the caption which read “elephants in kenya. so hard to photograph, but incredible to see".
So, yes, he used to be a photographer but now he’s a ‘celebrity chef’, an unemployed chef with no professional experience but still a celebrity chef. Didn’t he video himself making a spicy tomato pasta using a jar of pasta sauce? And haven’t we recently marked the first anniversary of his being invited on to The Today Show in America to teach that great nation how to make an “English breakfast sandwich” using a recipe handed down from his great grandmother?
Read more - Sleb Safari: Colin Farrell, Barry Keoghan and the case of the Crunchy Nut Cornflakes
Brooklyn threw sausage, bacon and egg between two unbuttered slices of white bread in a very ‘emperor’s new clothes’ moment on live TV. And now, displaying the level of self awareness we’ve come to expect from celebrities and their children, Brooklyn has shared another extremely experimental recipe in a video which must never be deleted.
“I’m very experimental, I love trying to make new drinks, trying new recipes. You know, I’m a nutter in the kitchen,” Beckham told his acolytes before announcing he was going to make a gin and tonic. Was it a nutter’s gin and tonic? An experimental gin and tonic? Did it have a secret ingredient? Nectar from a hummingbird’s beak? Moose milk? Mint leaves grown in Machu Picchu and harvested under a full moon?
Not quite. Mixologists of the world rest easy, your jobs are safe. Brooklyn named his favourite brand of gin and then explained “I’m going to add some lime, cucumber and rosemary in there; top it off with lots of ice”.
“That’s like a forest drink, so many different greens and stuff in there. I’m very happy with it,” he announced.
Please no-one tell Brooklyn that gin and tonics are now so edgy that you can buy them, pre-mixed, in a tin from the supermarket. Forest drink, sheeesh.
Read more - Sleb Safari: Who wants a Stavros Flatley/Blackbird mash-up?
Drake gave DJ Khaled luxury toilets for his birthday
As birthday gifts go Drake’s choice for DJ Khaled is a puzzler.
To mark his 47th glorious year on this planet Drake bought his friend four luxury toilets.
How does that work? Did Drake notice that DJ Khaled needed a new toilet or four? Had DJ Khaled mentioned he had spent all day Saturday looking at new toilets but the one he wanted wasn’t in stock and would have to be ordered?
A very happy DJ Khaled posted his thanks on Instagram and told us all about the TOTO toilets - in a nutshell there’s a light that comes on when you lift the lid, a heated seat, ‘tornado’ flush, bidet function, UV light cleaning system, deodoriser and the Toto is remote controlled. Why? Sleb Safari isn’t sure and at £20,000 a pop isn’t going to find out any time soon.
Kim Kardashian's forest of Christmas trees
And so to Kim Kardashian whose love of a Christmas tree is second only to DJ Khaled’s love of a Toto toilet.
Kim’s thinking is why put a Christmas tree in the living room or hall when you could have eightin your bathroom too? She shared pictures in her Instagram Stories and there they were, a row of twinkling Christmas trees looking festive and fun. What a nice backdrop for a long soak in the tub.
Social Media Smut
Just found this from 8 years ago. I think it was cut but there was a scene from Parks where Jean-Ralphio had blonde streaks for no reason. pic.twitter.com/osikWWNbTr
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) November 28, 2022
